I am so sorry for what you were through with that kinder garden adaptation. It is always so stressful for the little ones. I fear this process myself, although my son is only five months old and there is so much time until we get there.

Sadly, a three-year-old is still too young to be left by himself or herself, but our society puts economic development above personal development. It's more important to the society to get you back to work instead of helping you to bring up a happy individual.This is the harsh reality and we all have to put up with it somehow.

My husband went hysterical every time when his parents tried to leave him at the kinder garden. At the end the teachers didn't wanted him there -it was too much trouble for them. So, lucky him, he was sent to his grandmother, to a different town, so that she could look after him.

I hated going to the kinder garden myself and still remember this time like a very sad period of my life.

When I was working at a school I was really annoyed by the horrible miscommunication between the parents and the school stuff. Always blaming and pointing at each other. Everything we did was for the sake of the children after all, so why did we act as if we were from different sides? But this is human nature, I guess, it is always easier to blame the others than try to make things better.

I am very happy that you managed it somehow with your youngest daughter.
I hope your eldest is fine now. I hope he would put this horrible experience behind him. But it takes time and understanding. The best thing is that you are not pushing him too hard to interact. He would get to it eventually.