The Poisonous Sense Of Entitlement And How To Avoid It

When we were little kids we sometimes threw tantrums when we didn't get what we wanted. Screaming at the top of our lungs for candy at the store or a toy we saw on TV would get us what we wanted sometimes and other times it would get us a timeout and a talk about acceptable behavior.

When we grew up, we learned there were other ways to get what we wanted besides acting like a child. Some of us, however, didn't learn that lesson. Some of us found more grown-up ways to essentially throw tantrums, pout, or guilt-trip people into giving us what we want. Maybe we stopped rolling around on the floor crying like a baby, but we still feel we should get special treatment because we're special and deserve it.

The thing is...You're not so special and everything is not about you.

You may feel special and everyone is unique, but that doesn't mean the world has to stop and acknowledge you the moment you need validation, and when the world ignores your needs it doesn't mean your needs are not important or they are disrespecting you. It just means people have their own life going on too.

Having a sense of entitlement is the exact opposite of having a sense of gratitude. Entitlement, which centers around the belief that we are the center of the universe and our needs and desires should be met or else, often harms the people around us and harms ourselves in the long run, whereas gratitude makes us more trusting, more social and appreciative, feels nicer and generates social capital.

Once one realizes that we are not so special and others do not exist solely to serve our wants and needs, we can begin to appreciate more when people do give us attention and validation.

A self-centered view blinds one of the many little things that happen in one's life to be grateful for and repels those things from entering your life. Gratitude is a mindset really and one that can and should be cultivated.

While you may not be as narcissistic as Kanye West there are some symptoms to look out for to see if you have a tinge of self-entitlement in your mindset.

1. You make unrealistic demands on people. On your lovers, friends, family, coworkers, children.
2. You feel self-pity when things don't work out to your liking and openly express your discontent in attention-seeking, dramatic ways.
3. People call you manipulative, egotistical, vain, a liar, or a bully.
4. You believe that you deserve happiness even at the expense of others.
5. You punish people when you don't get what you want from them by either giving them the silent treatment, gossiping or spreading rumors about them, or verbally and/or physically abusing them.
6. You believe that succeeding in life is the most important thing and will go to any length to achieve success even to the detriment of others.
7. You see others as a threat or as competition.
8. You have double-standards in how you interact or behave with others. For example, you can shout at them but they can't shout at you.
9. You take more than give in relationships and friendships.
10. You are more concerned with your needs and desires than with others needs or desires almost all of the time.
11. Compromising and negotiating is very difficult to you.
12. You feel that your needs should always come first above all others.
13. People are often upset and offended by what you say.
14. You generally think you are better, smarter, and more important and deserving than others and that everyone should respect you regardless of if you earned their respect or not.
15. You are an admiration and adoration slut.
16. You like to assert your superiority over other people and dominate them.

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No one is perfect. All of us have personality flaws. Some of us are insecure while others have a deep-seated sense of self-entitlement. For those of us that show signs of narcissistic behavior there are ways to work through it that can benefit your life and the lives of those around you.

Developing a sense of self-awareness is a good place to start. For example, when someone does not give us what we want the minute we want it, that doesn't automatically translate into them not respecting you or your needs. They could just be busy and occupied with other concerns at the moment and their lack of attending to your needs has nothing to do with their sense of respect towards you as a person.

You probably have made people feel the same way before even though you didn't mean to. You were just busy with other things. This happens to other people besides just you. Having a sense of self-awareness would allow you to see that possibility before going off on someone because you assumed their lack of attention was a sign of disrespect or lack of appreciation on their part.

Sometimes a sense of entitlement is rooted in unrealistic perception you may not even be aware of. Identifying your inner expectations about the world around you and adjusting those expectations can work wonders in setting your mind at ease.

Accepting life as it is without imposing your ideas, expectations, or beliefs, and allowing people to be who they are without requiring them to be or do something else to meet your demands frees your mind and energy to work towards more creative avenues.

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Concentrating on developing forgiveness, compassion and empathy will move you in the direction of feeling more gratitude toward others. Often we can just give the person who is not meeting our expectations the benefit of the doubt and the exact feeling we perceive they are denying us and the result is a feeling of contentment.

Just flip the switch and ask yourself what would make me feel good if the situation were reversed. For example, let's say you are upset with someone for not being on time for a meeting. Personally, I am usually on time for meetings because I respect people's time. When someone is not on time I feel they do not respect my time.

That's one way to look at it and it usually irritates me especially when I'm busy and have other things scheduled. But if I flip the switch and ask myself,

"How would I want to be treated if I was late to this meeting?"

The answer is usually that I would want to be treated in a courteous manner. I would feel bad for being late myself, but someone acting really angry with me about it would not help any. Even though I am rarely late to meetings it could happen and if it did I would like to be treated kindly so I give the same treatment even if it irritates me. That doesn't make my time any less important but making a huge issue of it doesn't solve anything either and treating that person as if my time is more valuable than theirs is not going to result in anything good.

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Shit happens in others lives that interfere with my schedule and whether I like it or not it just is. Guilt-tripping someone about that is not effective and results in no good.

No matter how busy one is the world does not revolve around them and those who don't understand that are going to be constantly disappointed as life repeatedly reveals that simple truth. No one gives a fuck about your sense of entitlement and the more one tries to assert they deserve special treatment, the more life will show you otherwise.

One could surround themselves with people that constantly validate everything they say and do, showering them with attentiveness, like a boss-hole who hires only people who agree with everything they utter, but they will deprive themselves of conflict and miss great opportunities for growth.

Some of the best, innovative ideas in my life have come from people who disagree with my perspective and I have learned to welcome the conflict that pushes me out of my comfort zone. Stress can make us stronger.

While raising my daughter I became aware of how people as young a three learn to manipulate people to get their way. Whenever it was just the two of us together my daughter never cried to get what she wanted simply because it didn't work on me. Of course if she cried because she got hurt physically I would be there for her, but if she cried just because she wanted something I completely ignored her outburst.

Within hours she learned and discovered new ways to get what she wanted. Kids really are the best salespeople. They are constantly looking for new ways to get what they want from adults. She would start bargaining with me to get what she wanted. "What if I pick up all my toys?", she'd say, or, "What if I take a nap first? Then can I go to the park and play?"

One thing she knew very quickly is if she cried and threw a tantrum it would amount to nothing. The same was not true once her mother was home. As soon as mom arrived she would start crying to get something because with her mother that worked almost every time. She would just give her what she wants to make her stop crying.

Guess what, she just taught her to cry to get what she wants, at least when she was around. Amazingly, as soon as mom left she would stop crying and find a better way to get what she wants. She quickly learned that crying, unless you were truly hurting, would not have the effect she was looking for on dad. I never had to explain it to her, she figured that out all on her own.

We learn as children how to get what we want but some of us never learn any other way but to throw a tantrum and we continue to use that as adults to get what we want. It's understandable when you're three but when you're 23, 33, or 43, it just looks silly.

So, if you're one of those people who feel entitled to get something just because you tried you may want to wipe the snot from your nose and grow up. Life is not fair and sometimes you have to keep trying to finally get what you want and even then there is no guarantee.

I see a lot of people on Steemit acting entitled. It really amazes me to see someone new to Steemit complaining about not getting enough upvotes, for example, and not feeling gratitude for the upvotes they do receive. An entitled person will not stop at complaining, they will even start to attack veterans who have put in the work to build a following and create 100's of quality posts, complaining about how unfair it is. What they don't realize is they are shooting themselves in the foot before then even began to walk.

A great post about that is How To Commit Steemicide Suicide On Steemit And How Not To If You Prefer To Avoid It --- by @papa-pepper

When one feels gratitude. on the other hand, there is no room for the self-pity of entitlement to grow. We exude good feelings and that attracts even more support from people around us. We tune into all of the things in our life to be grateful for and feel a lot better because of that mindset.

Mindset is so important. The mind is like a chemistry lab. It constantly creates chemicals and hormones based on the thoughts we are having at the moment. If we are thinking self-defeating thoughts it will create chemicals that make us feel like shit even if our environment is conducive to feeling good.

Have you ever been to a party and see someone acting jealous towards their partner even when there is no reason to be acting that way. Everything is cool and their partner is not acting in any way that could be perceived as something that could trigger the others sense of being jealous, yet they are feeling jealous regardless.

What is happening is their thoughts are creating chemicals in their brain that make them feel insecure and unloved to the point that even though they are in a festive environment their emotions have been hijacked into feelings of jealousy. It's a chemical reaction going on in their brains based on the thoughts they are entertaining that blinds them to what is actually happening.

People don't realize how powerful their thoughts are. I bring this up because gratitude also creates chemicals in your brain, but ones that feel a whole lot better. Cultivating gratitude is one of the most potent things you can do to overcome many of the problems feeling entitled causes.

Feeling gratitude is a good habit to get into and will bring benefits to all areas of your life, especially when you're feeling down or going through a challenge. Feeling entitled creates chemicals in your brain that make you feel anxious when you are not getting your way and could lead you to feel disrespected by the person not catering to your needs the moment you want them to. In truth, they may repsect you until you begin acting in a way that makes them lose respect for you by lashing out at them for not immediately responding to your needs.

It's a vicious, self-fulfilling point of view that robs you of finding harmonious solutions to challenges that we face in life.

We are creators, conscientiously or not, and what you create begins in how you think about any situation you are facing. Having gratitude as your default position, as opposed to feeling entitled, is a great starting point to tackling life's challenges and the dividends it produces multiply with each grateful moment we envision.

Try it, you'll like it.