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RE: Confessing With a Lie... and Other Untruths We Tell Ourselves...
Very few are able to invest several years in a relationship with someone and then stand up and say "I made a horrible mistake in my choice, and it took me several years to understand that this person was not AT ALL who I thought they were."
And yet, if you have made a comittment to that person, is the fact that they're not who you thought sufficient reason to forswear your oath? You cite the example of an abusive relationship, but this realization happens all the time in non-abusive relationships. To a certain extent all relationships involve an element of this.
You're definitely right that all relationships... including friendships and work relationships... involve elements of this.
Naturally, there's a fine line between being committed to an oath, and agreeing to enable behavior that's toxic to you and others, merely in service of that oath. We each have to decide where we draw that line.