Relationships without commitments and casual sex without romantic involvement. Human interactions are definitely fascinating right? Its complexities and irrationality never fail to amuse me and the whole world to be exact. How can someone enjoy ones company without having to put up with labels? How can people stay comfortable without being awkward to someone with no strings attached? Well human relationships are amazing on it's own way.

I have always been interested on the FWB (Friends with benefits) kind of relationship. Not because I experienced it but because of my curiosity towards a relationship that disappoints the usual dating arrangements and is threatening the concept of traditional relationships. For todays article we are going to unravel the most trending type of relationship in this generation and why people are establishing FWB to avoid the hassle of comprehensive relationships.

Friends with Benefits | A Psychological Overview

Okay,let's put at it this way. You are afraid of commitments . You dont want to be attached to anybody and you dread the complications of having to constantly put up with someone. Why are you feeling that way? Maybe because of past traumatic experiences or you think you are done with romantic relationships and want to start anew. But you realized you still want to socialize,to make friends and to establish bonds with people. You have also contemplated that you absolutely need sex because you're human too. So you decided to engage in FWB (Friends with Benefits) type of relationship. Not your typical mushy relationship right? But you are not the only one in this world who is engaged in one, there are a lot of people who are hooked into this weirdly popular affinity with others.

The definition of Friends with Benefits type of relationship may not be new to you because probably you experienced being on one or you had FWB relationships in the past.

This is a kind of arrangement wherein two people likes to hang out with each other all the time and agrees to have plenty of casual sex but are not seriously committed to each other.

You get all the benefits of having a friend and a sexual partner all at the same time. Without minding about obligations and responsibilities of being in a traditional relationship. Another good thing that you can get from this type of relationship is it doesn't prevent you from looking for other potential partners in your life. Talk about being lucky! But the question is,are you really lucky?

FWB is complicated and tricky. Being friends with someone and engaging in sexual affairs makes it even more complicated. If you want your FWB relationship to work you need to communicate openly and establish trust within the both of you. It's difficult since you have rules to follow and following these rules are mandatory to keep your connection: You are not allowed to be emotionally invested. Do not be fixated on expectations on your relationship. Always be mindful of your agreed timeframe, for example you only meet and hang out with each other for a limited time. And never ever romance your partner because doing so would make the connection deeper with intimacy.

Labeling FWB Relationships | An Exploration

According to Lydia K. Merriam-Pigg from San Jose State University in her Master's Theses entitled " Lovers & Friends: Understanding Friends with Benefits and the People Involved" (2012). FWB relationships are defined as sexual relationships between two people who are friends but are not emotionally or intimately commited to each other. She also pointed out that self-monitoring behaviors and attachment styles can strongly compromise the choices & experiences involved in romantic relationships.

Self Monitoring Behavior Towards FWB

Let's go back to one of the psychological aspects of personality, the Self Monitoring Theory. This theory states that people are divided into two classifications depending on how people perceive differently on values,social images & public appearances: High Self Monitors and Low Self-Monitors. High Self Monitors as the name implies are people who cares more about other people's impression thus controlling a more appropriate behavior. While Low Self Monitors are people who disregards situations as long as they can express their feelings,motives and desires(Gangestad and Snyder 2000).

In terms of relationships, High Self Monitors are mainly concerned about attractiveness,physical appearance,sex appeal,social status and etc. On the other hand Low Self Monitors seeks intimacy,honesty and loyalty in relationships they wish to engage into.

In this study by Gangestad & Snyder it was further elaborated that High Self Monitors can engage in casual sex without restraints and Low Self Monitors are uncomfortable making love with many partners. Similar to ( Snyder at al., 1986) Merriam-Pigg hypothesized that high self-monitoring men will be more involvely satisfied on FWB relationships than low self-monitoring women.

Attachment Styles & FWB Relationships

My most favorite theory in the fascinating world of Psychology is John Bowlby's Attachment Theory. This theory focuses on how humans are connected affectionately towards their caregivers. Attachment Styles further progressed into the Adult Attachment Styles by making the three category model into four. Splitting avoidant into fearful avoidant and dismissive-avoidant lining up with others such as secure attachments and anxious ambivalent attachment style. ( Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991). Merriam-Pigg then hypothesized that dismissive avoidant adults will be likely involved in FWB relationships because they hated rejection so much.

Let's Talk About The Results of the Study

Aspects of the personality specifically the Self-Monitoring Behaviors does not directly affect FWB relationship but it came out that gender has a far greater impact. Moreover,the involvement of both gender and personality affects FWB relationships. It was also found out that men were more interested in being involved in FWB relationships than women who are very open in denying the possibility of being hooked into one. In the said study,men were more likely to be high self-monitors than women who are low-self monitors. Once the FWBR ends, the feeling of closeness will also disappear. As hypothesized results also pointed out that high self-monitoring men were more satisfied in FWBR than low-self monitoring women.

FWBR | My Personal Thoughts

As what I said above, human relationships though complicated are very fascinating to talk about and to be part of. No one wants to be left alone and to be isolated from the crowd. We eventually settle on relationships that we think we are comfortable of and to be with people who cares for us unconditionally. We always seek for honesty, true love and compassion in every relationships that we presently have and to future affiliations that we will be engaged into. But with some underlying factors that might affect our relationships with people,it is not surprising that relationships are evolving too. From typical dating arrangements to no strings attached,one night stands or even FWB relationships human relationships works in different ways. Let's all put in mind that whatever we do,we must always be ready to face the consequences of our actions. To end this article I will leave you a quote that may affect your future decisions in regards to your dating preferences.

The thing we love. Consequently, friendship with benefits is often desirable in theory but fails in practice.
_{Oscar Wilde}

References:
1. What It Really Means To Be 'Friends with Benefits'
2. The Psychology of 'Friends with Benefits'
3. The Cruel Paradox of Friends-with-Benefits Relationships'
4. Friends with Benefits | Sex is the icing on the cake of friendship

Further Reading:
1)Merriam-Pigg, Lydia Kathleen, "Lovers and Friends: Understanding Friends with Benefits Relationships and those Involved" (2012).
Master's Theses. 4150
2)Snyder, M. & Gangestad, S. (1986). On the Nature of Self-Monitoring: Matters of
Assessment, Matters of Validity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
51, 125-139.
3)Bartholomew, K. & Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A
test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61,
226-244.

Images: From Pixabay & Unsplash
1.,2.,3., 4.,5.

Love,
@sakura1012

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