Projecting Part 2 - Manufacturing Adversity: The Projection of Ego

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The Architects of our own Struggles

It is through our perception that we allow adversity, in its many guises to enter our life and take hold. Whether by the heightening of circumstances we face, or by feeding into more present and direct confrontations, its power comes only by the permission we grant it.

Often times, we aid our own sense of struggle, projecting our beliefs onto whatever event, person(s) or idea we see as our current obstacle. We become consumed by fear-based emotions, fictionalising all manner of negative outcomes, and situations that are so exaggerated, they couldn’t possibly come to pass.

It is only natural to project our inner terrain onto the world around us. It is the source of our individuality and creativity. But when our view is distorted, we become the victim of our own reality construct, in effect, holding ourselves prisoner. Not at all conducive to good mental health, or the ability to make informed decisions that best serve our progression though life.

But despite this handicap we place on ourselves, there is the oppurtunity for growth. With adversity, comes the challenge of rising above the insurmountable. By pushing beyond our limits, we can create new thresholds of capacity that then become our baseline. In almost all cases, this is accomplished by changing the way we think; we change our reality by changing our perception.

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The Art of Change

An example of this can be illustrated within a confrontational – but non-violent – instance of intimidation. The default action is often to resort to the fight or flight mode, but it is not always necessary to react in this way. This should be the last resort, not our first. There is always room to respond by one who is mindful enough to approach the issue from a place of neutrality, thus rising above the density of fear.

Fire cannot be fought with fire, and if the attitude of they who shouts loudest prevails, it can, and often does lead, first, to defensiveness, and then to escalation. The act of shouting itself is already one of violence, and if followed through to its end point can result in physicality. The remedy then, is the adoption of listening, neutrality and non-accusation – or non-violent communication.

These three facets of social interaction are much under utilised in today’s society. In a world dominated by social media, where quick and easy to digest information is the norm, our attentiveness suffers. The instant gratification of 5 minute viral YouTube videos, 0.79p iTunes downloads and meme culture sees this attitude seeping into our daily interactions.

We stand, waiting only for our turn to speak instead of truly listening, and in doing so, come from a place of competition when we engage. The need to be right, subtly dictating the narrative of the vast majority of our exchanges. Ego takes hold, and most are too blind to see.

We perceive information to the contrary of our own beliefs as an affront to our identity, and seek to defend it, as swiftly as possible. This is the ego trap we fall for time and time again, manufacturing adversity.

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Staying the Course

The process of lessening the ‘antagonism’ we perceive through the use of intent and proper communication, allows for more harmonious relationships, and a truer exchange of ideas. To do so from a reactionary state of mind is a fear-based action that serves neither party.

But there will be no overnight success when it comes to being more present in your engagements. The same expectation of instant gratification that exacerbates the problem will not help to solve it.

The qualities mentioned above can neither be acquired nor bought; they must be cultivated over time. It requires work, and the inevitable points at which we are triggered into polarity, will test not only the level we are at, but also our resolve to the stay the course, and make a positive change.

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The Bigger Picture of Responsibility

No one consistently gets things right the first time, every time. Success is founded on many, many failures, learning from them, and doing it better the next time. We integrate these experiences as we go, forming new neural pathways and subsequently new habit patterns.

This experience is vital not just to our own learning process; it also enables us to pass on this knowledge from a position of mentorship or parentage at a later date. The most effective way of learning can often be from the mistakes of others, but if there are none to relate, the experience shared of only the right outcome doesn’t quite carry as much weight.

But for this to be of any use, there has to be a willingness and drive towards personal growth. Knowledge without application will do just as much good as having the best guitar teacher in the world, but then never practicing in between lessons. No one can do the work for you.

Maybe that is why so few of us are willing to take the road less travelled…

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What are your thoughts? Are there any parallels with any of the concepts here and your own life?

What layers or counterpoints would you add to this?

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Previous Articles in the Series

Projecting Part 1 - The Fear We Hold Onto is the Love We Deny Ourselves
Projecting Part 2 - Manufacturing Adversity: The Projection of Ego
Projecting Part 3 - Radical Acceptance: The Falsehood of Expectancy
Projecting Part 4 - Honesty is the Greatest Form of Courage

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