I hear you tell me; How it really is ;)

If complaining is so awful, why is it so prevalent?

There is a growing body of research addressing complaining: what it is, and when and why it happens. To begin with, complaining is simply expressing dissatisfaction. This usually happens verbally, as in the case of two people on a date commenting on the awful dinner they have been served

Complaining usually happens in the wake of a negative situation. Traffic was worse than expected; The contractor did shoddy work, and so on...
Of course, it is not just situations but also personal factors that are involved. You’ll notice, for example, that some people tend to complain while others hold their tongues.

Indeed, there is a “complaint threshold” that must be reached before someone decides to grumble.

This threshold has many facets. One may be “locus of control,” or how much control a person feels she has in a situation. You are more likely to lodge a complaint because you feel that your notification of the problem will help to solve it.
There may be other personal factors involved as well such as tolerance for conflict, age, and desire to present one’s self positively.

The flavors of complaint

It is useful to understand that complaining (and—by extension—complainers) come in types. There are those who never seem to be satisfied. These are known as

chronic complainers.

They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Making a habit of complaint can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained.

A second type of complaint is the familiar

“venting.”

Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda.
They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience.
By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy. Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems.

They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation.

One unfortunate downside to both venting and to chronic complaining is that it can dampen people’s moods As predicted, listening to gripes made people feel worse. What’s more, the complainer also felt worse!

How to complain well

The last type of complaint is known as the

“instrumental complaint.”

Unlike its wrinkle-nosed conceptual cousins the instrumental complaint is all about solving problems. When you confront your partner about overspending on the credit card, that could be a instrumental complaining. Especially if you focus on the impact of the problem, the importance of change, and cooperate to create a plan for change; these types of complaints make up fewer than 25 percent of all complaints......

• Avoid dampening your mood by complaining only rarely
• Complain only in instances where you believe it will effect real and positive change
• Consider whether affirmation or some other strategy will work instead of complaining
• Limit your exposure to complaining by limiting your exposure to complainers
  

Happy people complain less & are more mindful.

The more cheerful folks are, likely to complain more mindfully—more strategically, if you will—and with a specific goal in mind.

“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near her.
♡ 🐲ℒℴve 🐉♡

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