Hey man. I have been struck down low before. I have felt these feelings.

I know that you can get through them and I believe in you.

I think that I do a tremendous amount of coping just because I have no choice. I have dependents.

I feel that perhaps you need to have a look at your core goals and beliefs. I know you have quite a few things that you aspire to and there are many things you believe in.

But pare away at it. Get past the skin, the flesh even and find the bones on your goals. Not just "what do you want to do?" but "why?" Perhaps you know already or you tell yourself that you already know, but keep digging and make sure that the narrative you live by in your mind has the same reasons as what lies in the bones.

After this there is the matter of deciding what is healthy and unhealthy for your soul, your mind and your body.

It's not going to happen all at once. The best way to move forward is to slice it up into manageable chunks and when you cannot bear to handle a chunk then handle a sliver.

This is the stoic approach.

The other approach is that something must/will break. Don't let it be your life. Instead find something else that must break. Do so in a controlled fashion. Your weight training lies in that direction but you will need to do something more extreme to gain that same effect.

I did something like that a couple of times. It's when you pack a backpack and go running for two days. Cover 100km, run up a mountain pass in the middle of the night. Doubt your mortality, view the stars.

One or the other, or neither.

This is just my viewpoint on the matter...