Thoughts of suicide and death perhaps being the blessing that will bring those around us to some kind of realization or peace have crossed my path before too. There have been points for me when I've thought it the inevitability that awaits me, some end I'll have to battle as long as I'm in this incarnation, but I have kept myself afloat thinking of the soul contracts I must have made with my children. I have four and two that still live with me. I'm not sure how I would be feeling in your situation and when I find myself in that ending that is a beginning, which will be coming sooner than later, I have no idea what I will pursue?
Godspeed to you in this clawing around for meaning.
Ironically, we had our little dog, a male named Angel euthanized this past week. He was fourteen and suffering, but so hard to let him go as it seemed the ending of an era. My youngest was only two when he came into our lives and he truly was a member of our family. Just a story about Angel's dying.
Dead angel: now there is a combo to consider inviting into one's life.... what new fate awaits such a being?
Very sorry for your loss. I instantly felt the empty hole the anchoring poppett left. The photo that was in the fixative for 14 years. What then is left? As if there is a life-eating moth that can cut the good bits out to fly off with them and .... then what? There is no good metaphor, he cannot be likened nor can a function be attached: the depth of meaning to all that ever is and then is not is becoming mind boggling. Stars that once were, reminding us of themselves when the are already long gone, the lingering of what was has a presence of its own making. Then on top of that comes our story-making.
I am constantly, daily, all day long looking for that contract. I need to go over the fine print.
Thank you for condolences. Yes, quite a hole and loss of anchoring.
Me too, on the contract. Perhaps I ought to get more involved in finding and going over the fine print rather than just blindly trusting I must have signed up for all of this? Maybe I've just been learning and learning, knowledge is power, while constantly circling ignorance is bliss?
Very profound final thought, that makes for a most elegant window on a far-reaching landscape... Shall be surveying this at length.