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RE: Hardforking our daughter Steem style
I don't want to rely on rewards as incentives.
I think you're on the right approach in this. I wish I hadn't gone that route with my girls. I now see punishment and reward more as conditioning. Consequence is probably the more natural approach, as we should all learn that there are consequences, both good and bad, to every action we take.
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It is a fine line in finding ways to encourage without using it as Pavlov's bell. I am not sure of the exact answer yet, but being aware is a step in the right direction - I hope.