Ulog 36: Goals and Rebellion
Good evening my beauties!
How is everyone today? I've had a challenging one. Not in a bad way... in a developmental kind of way. See, I'm trying to get my head around a few things that I want out of life... and to let them in, I need to let some other things go. And you know what they say about change?!
Add to this the fact that I will instantly rebel against anything I feel I ought to be doing, and we have a problem on our hands... I turn into a confused donkey, digging my heels in but with no real idea exactly what I'm rebelling against nor striving for.
Case in point. Remember that fateful video where I promised sincerely that I would have a book ready by Christmas? I was so excited - but as soon as I had that up there, I kicked and squealed and fought against it - to the point where I even switched genre back and forth until my head was spinning.
I think this might be because I set this random goal in my head without considering why I want to achieve it. It becomes about the day to day doing and struggling rather than considering the big picture.
I need to consider the big picture.
Okay, so as you know, I also draw. And those drawings of pets have certainly got us out of some major financial struggles these past few years- paying for various necessities - which I'm so grateful for. But I don't want to end up as a pet portrait artist. There are people out there who I bow down to that do this- but it's not what I want to do long term. I know I can't survive on it, it does stress me out a bit and doesn't fit into any larger dreams.
On Friday, I made the big decision to take down the Facebook page that drives 99.9% of my commission work. Today I was stopped in the street and asked to book in 2 portraits. And, though it was hard, I managed to say no (nicely and gratefully!) I realised that I had to make room for the stuff that really matters, that helps me push towards my bigger dreams and goals. Time and head space to be creative has to come from somewhere.
I have linked my Etsy shop for my other art work in my blog banner here and will also be opening a shop over on the InformationFindingChanel discord over the next few weeks. I'm so excited about this, as it gives my artwork an outlet - and you guys a window into that part of my world. It's not that I want to turn the art off (that can't happen... I'd be drawing in my sleep otherwise) - I just want to be able to explore it in my own time and my own way, like I've said before.
And the writing? Well... let's just say that Dragons! Dragons! Dragons! has been growing... ever since I said I definitely wasn't going to write it... I now have over 40,000 words. So only another 50,000 ish to go (sorry @felt.buzz - have a made you roll your eyes again?!)
Anyway. Now I'm just rambling. Sorry. The point is, exciting stuff is starting to happen, but to make it happen, I'm having to let go of some of the old, worn out things. They were important at the time- but I'm figuring out that it is okay to move on.
Tomorrow, I'm going to write a goals post to cover the rest of the year. I may just have to claim that I DON'T want to achieve all the things I put on there though... just to satisfy my donkey-brain ;)
Till tomorrow,
Big love, Eveningart xxx
It's funny when it comes to writing. You say that you have over 40,000 words and I'm like, "Woah! Good job! That's so many words! You're on the way there!" but when I achieve that feat myself, I die inside, " Is that all? That number is too small! Make more words appear!"
:) Can I also just say 'congratulations' on saying "No." and allowing yourself to focus on yourself and your larger goals ~ "No" can be such a hard word to say sometimes...
Haha - I so know what you mean. It's easier to cheer others on than pat yourself on the back for your own work, isn't it?! Having it printed has really helped. I'm quite visual, so sitting staring at this chunk of work that I've already done is really helping.
And thank you. Saying no was incredibly hard- and I felt like I was making some huge mistake at the time... but the more I thought about it over the day, the better I felt about the fact that I'd done it!
E x
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I totally understand where you are coming from. Been in a similar space now for the last six months trying to figure out what I really want from life. Can’t offer much in the way of advice, but I can offer empathy.
Thanks- sending huge empathy right back. I'm finding that creating space by getting rid of some of the old really is helping. E x
Congratulations, you have been featured in this week's Finder Frog Focus: Miscellany: Ulog and Gaming Post Our Recap of this weeks topic first published here.
Wow- thank you so much! How exciting!! E x
haha! "a confused donkey" lol. I know what you mean about working hard to not start on a project or goal but I don't know why, let me know when you figure out why we humans do that!
but good for you in not caving to the pet portraits gig! that takes guts.
I didn't know you were that far along with the book, congratulations on that too, you got this made! you're great. tremendous success is coming.
We do it because we're confused donkeys ;)
Thank you - I'm not sure if not caving is guts or stupidity, but it felt good to stick with my plans for a change. I'm not sure about having it made, nor tremendous success - but I'll happily take working consistently towards a plan that means something to me. I guess that counts as tremendous success in itself.
Big love to you,
E x
howdy again on this fine Sunday eveningart! yes..you are already so on track with the book and everything, you're unstoppable!
That's high praise coming from you! Unstoppable should be your middle name ;)
who me? lol. no I'm very beatable, look how close smithlabs got to me and ecoin beat me a few weeks ago. you are though, unstoppable, not beatable! lol.
i am the saaaaaaaaaaaaaaame way! as soon as I know i have to do something.... i WONT.
such a child! LOL I was laughing as I was reading this because it is so me!!! LOL but... here's the thing!
You have 40,000 words written!!!!! and its September! so you're doing really really well!!!
and it doesn't matter if you went back and forth - youll pick up the other book soon and just pick up where you left off
you're doing amazing and i'm glad that were able to say no to the pet portraits (even though i think you could for sure support yourself on that - the quality is so impeccable!!!)
go go go lady!!! you make me proud!
You're so right- it's a real toddler response isn't it? NO I won't got to bed!!!
Thank you! I'm so excited to see the pile of paper and see it as a real thing rather than this mythical wordcount inside the computer. It has made a huge difference. Yes- you're right- I might well pick up on the other manuscript again at some point... but for a little while at least, I'm back on the Dragons.
Sadly, I worked out the income vs time in and time I could physically sit and do the drawings, and it just didn't stack up. I couldn't charge enough and complete enough of them in a week every week to make it viable. But thank you - I am proud of them.
That's the biggest compliment. Love you Dreemie,
E x
charge a fortune! you're worth it!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Haha- and become the most expensive pet portrait artist out there ;)
yes and then buy airplane tickets to...........
WOOP WOOP!
Hello @eveningart, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your support x