(I type this comment with watery eyes, clumsy fingers, and all the hairs at the back of my neck standing at attention.)
No words can express how much I feel for you, my friend.
I immediately thought about my father when reading your post. He succumbed to Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma 8 years ago.
What did my father do in your shoes after he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer - almost 1 1/2 decades ago?
Stubbornly, he decided to accept reality, did not waste a moment on ANY further NEGATIVITY whatsoever; including life anger, countless regrets, or anything else that causes insomnia-inducing depression/anxiety.
What happened next was literally a miracle.
He went into remission for 6 1/2 years!
And in those years, he lived more than in his whole previous 66 years on Earth.
You will always be in my daily meditations.
Namaste, JaiChai
P.S.
Do you qualify for the cutting-edge CRISPR technology? (https://steemit.com/science/@jaichai/breaking-ijch-crispr-manufactures-cancer-killing-suicide-assassins-or-how-scientists-fight-cancer-with-designer-cancer-created).