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RE: ULOG #7: Transformative Processes
Once more sorry for your loss. Hugs.
Trying new things... I need to break through a veil still, holding too many fears butbkind of heading there too.
yay for new things...
Pet a wolf Awww I want to
That is a long list of new things you have given a try... Inam on a kind of a shifting journey too
Small changes
Meaningful ones
I talk about the loss of him because it helps me to feel closer to him and honor his memory :)
My fears held me back for years and I'm trying to break free of them because I feel like my personal fears don't serve me as well as they once did.
I was terrified to pet the wolf at first but she was incredible and I'm so glad I did it. Shifting can be challenging but it has been worth it so far for me.
Thanks for another wonderful comment!
Ivy
We all deal with our mournings in a very personal way... there is no right or wrong for that I guess... I was precisely writing a post about my own fears and mournings and was unable to post today... yet just writing about it even if if I felt it to personal to post it, even if I shed tears writing it... healed me. I have lost family, and friends, I've mourned, but my heart broke (we do not choose how or who receive our love so hope you don't judge she was not a human) and I have no shame to say it when my dog Kira died in 2003. Like half a soul gone, too soon, to drastically, and I could not do anything. It took me seven years to have pets again (my ratties you know) and they healed me. They went away of old age, each one on my lap... I felt this time it was "the right time". They really cured my soul. With Kira, the scar resurfaces and bleeds with a million "what if?" and sometimes I wonder of the time I still had with her... but then I gather my smile to remember and honour her.
I made a song for her, that was I was writing about... yet I couldn't today... see the scars bleeds sometimes, but the tears, once gone, make me aware I live and I am who I am also because of her. The way I fell now, at this moment.
I can relate. I start a post sometimes and it is too emotional for me to actually share it with anyone. I have a few posts on my computer like that. But, I go back and re-read them every once in a while and choose to post them at a later time after I have worked through whatever emotion I have attached to that post. Writing has helped me a lot in my grief and I continue to write about daily life because I have found that I enjoy it so much now.
Kira sounds like a wonderful soul and I'm sorry that she is gone from this world. My dogs are my world but they are getting older now and I think about them leaving me sometimes. I may be a mess when that happens eventually. I'm glad you were able to love animals again, it sounds like your rat friends are very blessed to have you in their lives.
Thank you for such a sweet comment.
Ivy
Yes, they were my little healers in so many ways... I also learned to say "good bye" with them... kind of... of course it always hurt. With Kira it was way before her time and kind of traumatic, I know you understand what I mean that it was a case of "not closure". It took me time to accept and review all the "what ifs". I wondered long if I failed her, if I could have prevented it... but she was gone, my sweet daughter. I never had kids, she was my baby. Then I gathered my tears and decided to "break" with the life I had... I had studied biology which I didn't like (imagine I like rats...! can you imagine me in a lab? hmm nop) I made my first album with an instrumental "Now that you're gone" It was a song but I could not sing it... in my second album she had "Good Night Kira" a proper farewell. And now, now I'm grateful, for every second... and I understand that's the flow in universe... events unfolding constantly and us along with them. I thank her, even the sorrow I underwent... because I understood love is lasting. I love her still.
big hugs!
Animals can be incredible healers. My two dogs have helped me heal in so many ways the past 8 years. They always teach me new things about love and life. Life is difficult when we don't get closure that we feel we deserve so I can understand that. I love that you have honored Kira in the ways that you have. I believe that she is still with you and still supporting you in all you do to help others. Much love and many hugs to you.
Ivy