ULOG #7: Transformative Processes
Today has been a transformative day for me because most days lately seem to be that way. I am on a mission to try as many new things this year as possible as a way to honor my boyfriend that committed suicide earlier this year.
He had lived life to the fullest every single day and I kinda envied his willingness to try so many new things. So, I felt the need to carry on with his journey after he left.
Truthfully, this experience has pushed me so far past the boundaries of my comfort zone that it terrifies me but I am slowly becoming ok with it. I am changing and I am finding myself in the process.
What I Have Tried
So far this year I have learned or experienced:
• Learning to make group cosplays for anime conventions
• Making homemade dog food that they will actually eat (after more than a few tries)
• Ate sushi
• Made a wedding cake for 250 people that actually looked professional (I took a baking class)
• Playing Dungeons and Dragons for the first time now
• Doing all of my own landscaping and home repairs (no experience but lots of YouTube videos here)
• Rebuilt the carburetor on a motorcycle (with help)
• Oil and fluid changes on an SUV
• Took painting classes
• Dated people that have taught me new things that I normally wouldn’t date
• Befriended people that I normally wouldn’t have befriended
• Went to a prayer breakfast with people from 10 different faiths very different from mine in order to learn about their faith while sharing my own
• Took a class on Python
• Wrote articles for a health blog when I generally write about spirituality and finance
• Rode roller coasters for the first time in 10 years
• Went to see fireworks for the first time in years with family for July 4th
• Was interviewed for the first time for a business podcast (two different podcasts actually)
• Pet a wolf
• Cut down some trees with a chainsaw
• Reconnected with my ex husband and experienced true forgiveness for everything that happened between us during the divorce
• Tried the minimalist lifestyle by giving away any possession that I haven’t used in the past 6 months no matter the emotional attachment
• Gave blood when I’m terrified of needles
• Helped a friend move to Philly and get their dream job by helping with resume writing
One of the rules of this experiment has been that I can’t really say new to an experience that’s offered to me and I have to seek out things that are on my Bucket List that I have always wanted to try.
This has been a period of growth for me and a way to push boundaries. Living life from this perspective has allowed me to meet and spend time with people that I probably wouldn’t have normally.
Mentally, I have terrified myself so many times and had so many anxiety attacks but have pushed through it with my friends support. Their love has gotten me through everything so far.
Thanks for reading about my life experiments!
Ivy
Here's some other posts on my journey so far:
ULOG #3: Today Is Your Birthday But You’re Not Here
I’m Learning How to Trust Again
Living Life Moment By Moment
My First Experience With Dungeons and Dragons
A Year Full of New Experiences
Learning How to Paint a Disney Castle!
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Once more sorry for your loss. Hugs.
Trying new things... I need to break through a veil still, holding too many fears butbkind of heading there too.
yay for new things...
Pet a wolf Awww I want to
That is a long list of new things you have given a try... Inam on a kind of a shifting journey too
Small changes
Meaningful ones
I talk about the loss of him because it helps me to feel closer to him and honor his memory :)
My fears held me back for years and I'm trying to break free of them because I feel like my personal fears don't serve me as well as they once did.
I was terrified to pet the wolf at first but she was incredible and I'm so glad I did it. Shifting can be challenging but it has been worth it so far for me.
Thanks for another wonderful comment!
Ivy
We all deal with our mournings in a very personal way... there is no right or wrong for that I guess... I was precisely writing a post about my own fears and mournings and was unable to post today... yet just writing about it even if if I felt it to personal to post it, even if I shed tears writing it... healed me. I have lost family, and friends, I've mourned, but my heart broke (we do not choose how or who receive our love so hope you don't judge she was not a human) and I have no shame to say it when my dog Kira died in 2003. Like half a soul gone, too soon, to drastically, and I could not do anything. It took me seven years to have pets again (my ratties you know) and they healed me. They went away of old age, each one on my lap... I felt this time it was "the right time". They really cured my soul. With Kira, the scar resurfaces and bleeds with a million "what if?" and sometimes I wonder of the time I still had with her... but then I gather my smile to remember and honour her.
I made a song for her, that was I was writing about... yet I couldn't today... see the scars bleeds sometimes, but the tears, once gone, make me aware I live and I am who I am also because of her. The way I fell now, at this moment.
I can relate. I start a post sometimes and it is too emotional for me to actually share it with anyone. I have a few posts on my computer like that. But, I go back and re-read them every once in a while and choose to post them at a later time after I have worked through whatever emotion I have attached to that post. Writing has helped me a lot in my grief and I continue to write about daily life because I have found that I enjoy it so much now.
Kira sounds like a wonderful soul and I'm sorry that she is gone from this world. My dogs are my world but they are getting older now and I think about them leaving me sometimes. I may be a mess when that happens eventually. I'm glad you were able to love animals again, it sounds like your rat friends are very blessed to have you in their lives.
Thank you for such a sweet comment.
Ivy
Yes, they were my little healers in so many ways... I also learned to say "good bye" with them... kind of... of course it always hurt. With Kira it was way before her time and kind of traumatic, I know you understand what I mean that it was a case of "not closure". It took me time to accept and review all the "what ifs". I wondered long if I failed her, if I could have prevented it... but she was gone, my sweet daughter. I never had kids, she was my baby. Then I gathered my tears and decided to "break" with the life I had... I had studied biology which I didn't like (imagine I like rats...! can you imagine me in a lab? hmm nop) I made my first album with an instrumental "Now that you're gone" It was a song but I could not sing it... in my second album she had "Good Night Kira" a proper farewell. And now, now I'm grateful, for every second... and I understand that's the flow in universe... events unfolding constantly and us along with them. I thank her, even the sorrow I underwent... because I understood love is lasting. I love her still.
big hugs!
Animals can be incredible healers. My two dogs have helped me heal in so many ways the past 8 years. They always teach me new things about love and life. Life is difficult when we don't get closure that we feel we deserve so I can understand that. I love that you have honored Kira in the ways that you have. I believe that she is still with you and still supporting you in all you do to help others. Much love and many hugs to you.
Ivy
This a fabulous way to move through life. I admire and commend your strength and courage; indeed – it is only through facing that which scares us that we become more capable and interesting humans.
That, right there – might just be the hardest item on your list. For me, at least.
Bravo!..on all counts. <3 .
Thanks, Zippy! Truthfully, it was so hard to get rid of so many things. And it took many trips to the thrift store to get rid of everything. But releasing those attachments to material possessions has made me feel lighter almost. And makes cleaning so much easier. I love that photo! So pretty!
Ivy
Petting wolves rollercoasters carburetors and chainsaws! You should just start a man camp already and see who can keep up with you! Glad to see you living life to the fullest. I feel like these past few months of yours could make a worthy sequel to "Bucket List" lol.
Omg you crack me up! We should totally start a Man Camp (for men and women) haha. People have looked at me like I'm crazy for taking on this adventure but my friends are trying to push me outside my comfort zone now knowing that I can't really say no to what they want to do. It has definitely been interesting, for sure. I'm currently working on rebuilding a motorcycle from the ground up and have absolutely no idea what I'm doing but the grease-covered experience has been pretty fun!
Ivy
That is so fucking awesome. I did basic maintenance on a motorcycle but rebuild it? Noooooo lol. You are like the lady version of Jim Carrey in "Yes Man" you are actually making me want to live life like that... I used to back in my teens and early 20s I bet we all did! And then adulthood crushed our little happy spirits. =p
I think I've seen that movie but maybe I need to re-watch it haha. Its been a greasy mess so far but its been a lot of fun. My friends help me when I lose track of what I'm doing :P
I'm trying to not let adulthood crush my happy little spirit anymore. Screw adulting! I say we all go back to being kids in grown up bodies. I miss naptime and ice pops so I'm thinking we should bring those back.
Ivy