Ja, I definitely identify with your sentiments phyllyc. As if, at times, you are watching the happenings of, or to, your psyche and, like as a third party observer, you are powerless to do anything about it other than to watch. And then, on the other side, at times as if you are the god and creator of all and everything that your consciousness is attesting that you are and that the fate of all and everything that you have come to know depends on your every decision. It can become quite daunting at times and I wish that I could find the path to clear thought with the optimum solutions for all of it. This would then, of course, obfuscate the real purpose of life which is, through trial and suffering, to discover the path to nirvana/enlightenment/celestial glory where we will then be apprenticed to the true gods to learn godhood. And that is the ultimate objective of life-to learn the essentials for godhood which can ever only be achieved through patience, charity, long suffering, and faith in ones self which has been patterned after the Alpha-Omega of all.
Some say that the path is releasing everything, gaining clarity and equanimity. Some say that the path is attaining empowerment, and affecting our reality. Both seem like exciting prospects to me. I think it might be a little of both.
I don't really know too much for sure, outside of my own experience. In my experience I know that there's some real magic going on, how deep it goes - I guess I will have to find out.