"I recently got into woodworking" or "There Will be Blood!"

Howdy Internet. I haven’t been around much lately because I’ve been busy playing with my wood. It started a little while back when my buddy Ross and I were getting drunk at a shitty biker bar in Santa Fe, Tx, a few blocks from where that dispshit shot up a bunch of his classmates because nobody would fuck him. Interesting side story: Santa Fe has A LOT of bikers. Not the assholes who wear spandex and hold up traffic, oblivious to the fact that every other car on the road is driven by a teenager who is texting and taking selfies. These are the guys who weigh 300 pounds, twenty of which is beard, and call themselves “Tiny.” For weeks after the shooting hundreds of bikers were parked in front of the highschool, stopping reporters from bothering the kids. It was pretty cool. Last week some anonymous donor gifted the school eight AR-15’s and five thousand dollars worth of ammo.

"they'll beOK. They had the right of way."

Anyway, the bartender knew Ross and I did remodeling and shit so she asked up if we could put a storage space in her garage. She said she asked another dude but he wanted 12 thousand dollars. We were like, “Uh, yeeeeeeaaaaaaah. We could do it for like 9.” When we went to look at the garage it wound up being a Quonset Hut, which is like a prefabricated airplane hangar. We immediately started calling it the Kwanzaa hut. I let Ross do all the talking because this shit was way out of my wheelhouse. After we were out of earshot of the client I asked Ross how hard it was going to be.

He said, “I have no fucking clue how to build that. I don’t think we can do this.”

One one hand, I’m not real keen on being responsible for people being crushed to death because of me. On the other hand, I’m real fucking keen on getting nine thousand dollars. It would have been easy if we had more time because we could have just ordered some trusses big enough to span the gap we needed, slapped up a wall, and laid some plywood on it, but we only had a week and it takes longer than that to have special order trusses delivered. So I locked myself in the office for three days with a box of wine, the internet, and a bottle of adderall. I researched load bearing structures until my brain bled. Long story short, it worked.

The walls were easy

The trusses were not

I stood way back while my helper tested it. It worked.

After that, I got the wood bug and turned an old Ikea headboard I had taking up space into a new counter for my kitchen island.

My garage turned into a workshop so I built this Frankenstein workbench out of random shit I scavenged from other jobs.

Then I went out and bought a table saw. It only took me about a week to do this.

Here’s my Jackson Pollock reproduction I painted on the floor and ceiling of my garage.

I cut my finger making flags after I saw a post on reddit about some guy making a bunch of money selling them. All things considered; I knew I was going to fuck myself up on that table saw the second I decided to buy it. I got the inevitable out of the way with the least amount of damage possible so I’ll just call that a win. It was ironic that the first thing I thought after I tried to cut my finger off was, “Too bad I don’t live in Canada.” All my heathcare plan covers is duct tape and whiskey.

My finger is healed enough to type now so I should be around more now.

Oh, here are some of my flags I made.