Why do people pretend?
Pretend meaning: behave so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not.
This weekend we drove down to Limpopo Province about 800 miles away from home to see my father in law, who is in hospital in a critical state. The whole family is here for support. Now the whole family means quite a lot of people. I don't do well between other people, because I like to keep to myself, and I have taught myself to keep quiet because I am quite outspoken.
The only way I participated in the discussion was with an occasional nod or a smile, and when someone asked me something, I obviously answered, but I was real vague. I am not going to become part of a family feud, where they are already dividing personal belongings while the person is still alive.
I come from a tight-knit family where both my parents were only children, and none of us have issues, with worldly belongings.
I was amazed and stunned at the way these people were trying to weigh up against each other. The one wanted to sound more important than the other. It literally sounded like a competition on television where someone was playing wheel of fortune and they were going to win a big prize.
I laughed inside because all I could see were a bunch of hooligans trying to pretend to be important. But let's just face the facts here, people are always in competition with each other. It is in our nature, and this is the way humans are programmed. It is imprinted in our DNA.
From a very young age children pretend while they play, and somewhere imaginative play gets stuck inside our brains and it seems like it is a normal thing to do.
Then as we grow older, we start going on dates and we pretend, because we want to impress our dates. When you go for an interview for a job, you pretend to be the best candidate, and sometimes we pretend to listen to people while we are actually not.
Then I don't even want to talk about social media. Everyone on Facebook have perfect lives and all these personal messages to each other declaring love openly makes me sick.
Why not just turn to the person and tell him/her how you feel yourself instead of blasting it out to the world to see.
To me, pretending is not a good characteristic. Why do you have to impress people all the time? I have never really cared what people think of me, and I try not to pretend. People that knows me well, know that I am not a pretender or an impressor. What you see is what you get.
If you don't like me, then tough luck. I am not willing to give up my personality to be something that I am not. Why can't everyone just be themselves? Why try to hold up a front and put on a show?
To me the only way to impress others is to be yourself. If you keep on pretending to be something you are not, at some point you are going to be caught out.
Too right mate, love this and I have found that by not pretending to be someone else, I have deeper connections with people and have stayed in contact with friends for a long time. When I was travelling, I met some one who was pretending to be someone else, then I started asking deeper questions because I like doing that... then this false shell came apart.
I didn't mean any harm and in fact, I think the person who I spoke to started behaving a little differently and was thinking a bit more. If only for the night, it was good to see the "real" person.
I hate fake people.....perhaps hate is too strong a word but if someone think they are better than others, I don't bother talking to them. To be honest I can be quite rude sometimes.
Hm, I'd say hate is probably too strong as there may be many reasons why they are pretending to be someone they aren't. You don't know why they might be hiding, could be deep personal issues but sometimes it's best not to ask and just accept them for who they are.
There's a difference between being rude and direct. If you start insulting people... well yea, that's kinda rude haha
Perhaps the pretending is part of who they are? Just like some children are more imaginative than others, some adults have it ingrained in them to 'put their best face forward' so to speak.
I think it's important to be yourself around your friends and family, but I also think it's important to maintain privacy. So in some ways, some versions of pretending could be to maintain that privacy around strangers.
For example: if I'm having a super bad day because someone peed in my cereal, I got fired from my job for showing up late, and my mom is in the hospital, I'm still likely to pretend that my day is going fine if I have to be in public. I'll do this because my privacy is important to me. I don't need strangers asking questions about my super bad day. I also don't need to burden strangers (or even casual acquaintances or colleagues) with my super bad day so that would be another reason I would be likely to pretend that everything is ok.
With all that being said, I think friends and family deserve a more honest version of reality.
Thanks for writing a thoughtful post. I enjoyed reading it.
Oh goodness no...I don't pretend much, and people usually know if I have a super bad day. I can get quite agitated, but you are very right. Sometimes we do pretend that everything is ok, just so that someone close to us don't have to worry. You can just call me a considerate pretender...lol!
Ha, a considerate pretender. I like that. I remember years ago (when I was in middle school) my mom came up to the school for something. Most likely, one of us kids was in trouble again. In the hallway, a teacher greeted her and asked the standard, "How are you?" My mom responded quite snappily, "Not very good!"
She was so embarrassed by her own response that even years later she still feels bad about it. It's interesting how society has conditioned us to respond in ways that are less than honest. I wonder if it still serves a purpose, or if it's simply an archaic tradition which we should overcome.
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Well said, from someone who old to be P.C.
Heya, long time no see! How are you doing @len.george?
Still looking down on the grass, which is important, if I was looking up at the grass I would be in deep ****.
As you can see, still reading and occasionally replying.
Haven't heard from you for a while either.
Things changed so much on steemit. I wish we could just start a group where we could all just support each other again and chat more often. We are drowning in this ocean....
That sounds a lot like #steemitbloggers :-D
We could, select a few " old timers" read and comment, support them, then if there is time, find a newbie.
We should open a discord group and get together. I really just miss how it was. It was a lot of fun and here we are...too many things going on everywhere.
Act our age, too bloody old to be PC. Read who you like, comment and keep up with those you like, and, most of the time, let the rest of the world go bye.
As you can tell, I'm not here for the money.
I agree. If everyone were themselves life would be a lot better. I admit I put a mask on when I go to work. They don't need to know what is going on in my life or how I feel about certain things.
If I am with a group of people where I feel uncomfortable. I watch and observe. Yet, so many of my family members feel life is a competition and I don't play. It infuriates them and I don't care.
Yip, we would be great friends. I take it as it comes and if I'm angry I show it. I work online, so there is no way to pretend there, and I enjoy life this way. I'll rather be on my own than between a bunch of pretenders and fakers.
Completely agree. My job I have now, I can voice my opinion and be me. They do tease me when I have my quiet moments. I don't mind they truly are just joking.
The big upside I don't have to do very much customer service. That is the pretending I am sick of. I don't want to do it anymore. (This actually happened today) I want to say 'Yes you're an idiot, you have to connect the monitor to the computer in order for it to work.' Instead, they gave him a refund and let him keep the computer. It makes me want to beat my head against a wall.
This post is sponsored by @SteemitBloggers in collaboration with @appreciator. Just keep up the good work.
Well said! Yes family disputes are not fun, I call it fighting over dead bones, it is beyond ugly! Much like yourself I speak my mind, you cannot please all the people all of the time.
When it comes to things the heart, pasting it all over Facebook is not a good place to start. What happened to being private, show by doings deeds more than pictures, selfies, things never going to be of interest to anyone else.
Oh gosh no, I absolutely hate Face book ever since I met Steemit:) I'm not bothered with this lot. They can do whatever they want they must just leave me alone...ha ha
Hide from the barrage of false pretentiousness, gushing eagerness behind a camera lens.
Would rather lead a dogs life, napping in the corner enjoying the sun with a bark bigger than the bite. Oh the occasional walk, being fed tasty treats, comes with the territory. 🐶 Woof woof....
I guess if each and every one of us allowed our beasts to roar
We would be in a uglier place than we already are
You did well in staying out of the ugly
I kept as quiet as a mouse....
:D
....just my hypothesis, but I think it comes down to this...
They are shit scared of needing approval off others, constantly.
End of hypothesis..
Ha ha...you might be right!
That particular gene appears to have skipped me...Phew!
Skipped me too...ha ha...and I am fluent in sarcasm too. :)
People often think I am just plain rude, although I am not really...just very straight forward.
I know the feeling, matey..