Know Your Worth & Take No Shit | Self Respect Ecotrain QOTW
This week's Ecotrain QOTW asks us,
"What is self respect & how do you nurture it?"
I'm going to write a few words about this, but really put my thoughts down in a DTube Video as a part of my effort to #DTubedaily!
I really think this is a great question. Please check out the Ecotrain Wrap up Post @eco-alex just put up this morning (yeah I missed the deadline! Vacation!) to read some of the other passengers' responses. They are great!
What is self respect?
The first thing that comes up for me when I ask myself this question is:
Listening to self.
Respect is all about boundaries and honoring each other - it is the dance between personal autonomy & not treading on others while heeding that small voice inside.
The reason I bring up Listening to self as a key component is because when we respect ourselves, we retain confidence and form a habit of taking care of ourselves by prioritizing ourselves. I am not talking in a selfish way, where our self-directed actions disrespect another or even totally disregard our relations, but in giving space to our inner voice so that we live from our place of truth.
Wilder insisted on coming on our morning walk!
Self respect also informs our relationships. Essentially, colloquially, it means we don't take any shit!
We know what we're worth and we act from that place of valuing self. Cool enough, this means that we also extend that understanding of inherent worth to others with whom we interact. When we know our worth, we realize that we interact each day with other autonomous beings who are worthy of this same starting point.
Nurturing It
Getting down to nurturing it, we gotta take a look at what nurturing means:
Essentially, in a few words, it's caring for something and tending it to help it grow.
How do we do this with self respect?
Well, I think we take an honest look at currently where we're at with our self respect.
Are we walking with self respect?
For instance, do we let others take advantage of us?
Do we allow our voice to be "trumped over" by other voices thereby compromising our truth and weakening our inner person and our stand in the world?
Do we stand up for what we know to be right or do we let it slide?
Are we concerned with taking care of ourselves and do our actions reflect that?
There are many other ways our self respect comes into play in our daily lives and these are only a few examples, but there is the idea of maintenance (taking care of that which is already basically organized and strong) and shoring up where we aren't strong. When we look honestly at ourselves or our life, we can see where we need work. Nurturing these soft spots is one way we can strengthen ourselves.
Storytime
When I was in my 20s, I was learning a lot about boundaries and self respect. Certain people came into my life to help me work on this- lol! It was not easy at all and I met some crazy characters who slipped in through my cracks and disrespected me, helping me to see where I was weak or didn't value myself very much. Those weren't easy lessons and I remember feeling off balance and uncentered many times. The thing is, we usually can't strengthen or nurture our self respect until we bounce off of other people and know where we need work!
It's easy to have a certain idea of yourself in isolation, but it's really when we get in the flow that we see how we can nurture ourselves a bit. For me, it came down to trusting myself and valuing my voice, my starting place.
That gave me a place to start from and to work with. It took time, but through playing with that and interacting with others, I learned to use my voice in apt ways and take no shit! Now I can "see certain things coming" and know to steer clear of situations where people disrespect me. Or if I find myself in a place like that, I can know that I don't need it- I already learned that lesson.
What are ways in which you nurture your self respect and what does it mean to you?
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Well, you already wrote that perfectly.
We can only ever love others to the extend we love ourselves, hence self-respect comes first because if we place our well-being second than we cannot truly and authentically respect others as the essential Light being they are.
If we don't prioritize our energetic signature, we will embark on a merry-go-round cycle of complying with others' expectations, and more importantly, we will not take responsiblity for our actions, which is the eventual source of blame. "I didn't want that in the first place", is then our directive.
Luckily, our Soul knows exactly when it is time to take back the reigns and there is no real race to be won since we are eternal ;)
so well put as well @alexaventuria!
exactly! and i love how you call it a merry-go-round cycle of compliance -- which is essentially, yes a lack of responsibility and taking the reigns of our own life. sometimes that can feel hard to do. taking full responsibility can be scary! but as you say, our Soul's direction and energetic signature is always there waiting for us.. and i like your last line about how there is ultimately no rush or race in light of eternity! :) thanks!
MMM, just when i thought we had covered all the bases, you make some brilliant point.. What an education im getting this week!
" For me, it came down to trusting myself and valuing my voice, my starting place."
This is golden, for me especially is a great theme of this year! It really takes courage and strength !!
thank you so much for your late entry! i have added it now to the tie up! xxx
I know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve been through this, just getting used to a me that knows how to say no. Sometimes it’s not even people taking advantage of you, sometimes they don’t even know they are crossing a boundary. I used to be so scared of conflict. Now I just put love into everything I say, even if it’s “I don’t like that.” I know the chances of conflict are quite small and not worth worrying about.
i wholeheartedly agree with this. i think often we are just all beings with out own desires and autonomies and it's natural to hit against differences of need, desire, or opinion. inherently that is not wrong, and i liked how you brought up how now you just come from a place of love so you're not worried about being misconstrued. i think when we know that we come from that space, as you say, we don't have to worry-- because we have nothing to hide. it's natural that we're vying for what we want and it's a great sign of growth when we know how to respectfully state that, and also be flexible to honoring the needs of others, knowing that compromising on some things doesn't take away from our personal power. the flexibility and nuance of boundaries and needs!
Like it-
It shows such strength and makes me want to stand up tall, with my shoulders back and letting my true self shine!
Great and based on the great comments obviously thought provoking :) I have trouble separating protecting yourself, looking out for yourself and internalizing your ideas and opinions. When it comes to looking out for yourself, you should always speak up and be ready to walk away from bad situations/relationships. But with ideas and opinions, being confronted with other ideas and opinions is a good thing and vigorous sometimes uncomfortable debate is a good thing. I guess it comes down to what ideas are a core part of who you. The emotional and spiritual versus the intellectual maybe.
i agree with this! and when we have a solid sense of self, we can let other viewpoints in because we know that our viewpoints are not who we are -- so we don't feel threatened. i think that is key! and i think you hit on that when you brought up core aspects. when we uncover that we are not our beliefs (and hey, even change them every now and again!), we start to dig deeper and deeper uncovering essential aspects of our nature. other people can't touch those! good food for thought.
Over the last month or so I have been learning to practice self respect, and listen to my inner voice more. Reading your post has put it further into perspective for me, I thank you for that. We are all worthy of respect but I think we often forget how to respect ourselves.
i'm really glad to hear that, thank you! whenever we can shed light for one another, i think that's a big plus! best wishes <3
For damn sure! There is nothing wrong with "Looking out for No. 1"... For the longest time in my life, I thought that my purpose was to put others first, to sacrifice for them. And I found, much to my dismay, that if you go around looking for people to save, parasites will find you.
Looking out for No. 1 is the first, and most essential step in creating a self that is -able- to aide others; rather than serve as their crutch... And you also can begin to determine those who will actually take advantage of the opportunity to grow stronger, and those who will forever be looking for another rescuer, after they've drowned the last. I've been on both sides of that equation, sadly. I never meant to be a cripple... it was most certainly forced upon me by others, and the primary weapon was shame. But it took quite a while before I realized that my primary handicap was self-inflicted, a consequence of carrying (caring for) so damned many parasites!
Once I cast them off... I could walk just fine. <3
And now I'm learning to gallop. =)
very well put! i have seen this a lot in life!
fantastic distinction!
love that you're learning to gallop.. it's all about learning these life lessons and staying true on our path. we are each where we need to be and there is no shame in that <3 thank you!
Yes, does seem relationships are the way we really rub ourselves up against a grinding wheel. I often think of it as polishing and shaping of a raw stone, a creating of light passing and reflecting facets.
Here's to self-respect and self-nurturing :)
Well said! Yes the grinding stone of life!
Beautiful. Here’s to it :)!
Boundaries whats that?
(This is sadly the attitude of many people)...
Great subject thanks for bringing it up.
/FF
lol (sadly 'tis)! we are allowed to have boundaries ;) something we're not often taught growing up! thanks for stopping by!
Much like @mountainjewel states below, I didn't know that boundaries existed when I was little. I was taught they were a bad thing (effectively). As it turns out, much of GenX's work in the future is going to be dismantling/refining the goofy "all-inclusiveness is your duty" paradigm of the Boomers (which they preached, but didn't practice). Should only take 20-30 years or so...
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Yeah @yestermorrow, Im not sure I understand what you are trying to say to a 100% maybe you are right about the generation theory. I guess people often falsely assume that everyone they interact with has similar or "normal" social boundaries and off they go...
Now days I believe that its good to try and establish boundaries with people early on,
doing this has been somewhat helpful against weird "social friction" and drama...
Before I was just "going with the flow" and I had many more friends, on the behalf of my integrity I guess...
/FF
What I meant was that, when I was growing up in the 80's and 90's, there was a very strong cultural push towards "open-minded all-inclusive sensitivity" a very idealistic paradigm of being "nice" to everyone, all the time, as a reflex. Essentially, the idea that boundaries are wrong, and that if you just trust people, they will do the right thing. "Work hard, play by the rules, and everything will be wonderful."
I, and it appears many in my generation, are waking up to the reality that it was all a sales-pitch, a marketing campaign to get young people to trust blithely and gratefully walk into the debt-slaughterhouse. Boundaries are essential to having a happy life. Being a little suspicious is not synonymous with paranoia.
Sorry, it's all very bust here this morning, I'll have to elaborate later.
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