Crypto, The Big C and the Dark Night of the Soul
View this post on Hive: Crypto, The Big C and the Dark Night of the Soul
5 years ago in #freewrite by raj808 (71)
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I think you're handling this well. It may not feel that way to you now, but you're fighting the depression and turning your mind to other things. That's exactly the way to go. I was hospitalized for clinical depression brought on by sleep deprivation and I do relate to what you're describing, the anhedonia, not feeling anything. Maybe we can chat on Discord. Until then, sending positive energy and good thoughts.
I didn't know that was what it was called, anhedonia. Always good to learn a new word. I've had depression all my life in varying degrees tbh. I've learned how to deal with it. It's not too bad at the moment. I felt numb this morning but it's evolved into emotional swings. I'd much rather the later than the former.
Ahh, thanks for the positive vibes. For sure. When I woke up at 4 am this morning and wrote this post it was just an outpouring of honesty + sleep has been bad for a while now with the illness. Mornings are traditionally my best writing time, I just set this freewrite on schedule to go out and left it to the steem gods.
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STOPRaj.... I missed this one. Wish I didnt. Just to say I hear this all, loud. Sounds like you have GOT this. Its okay to feel as you do. When Dad was diagnosed with cancer I lost my emotional shit. Was strong in front of them, but at home, I was a mess. Employed all my strategies and came out of it. Remember its okay to feel like this, and remember nothing is permanent.. death is the price we pay to live, so we must cherish that as beautiful too, and meet it with grace when we can.
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Yeah, it is the same for me at the moment. I'm kinda losing my shit. Been drinking too much as well lately. This post doesn't tell the whole story if I'm honest. I suffers from that bloggers affliction of sugar coating things in the worry that I'll turn people off my writing.
It is my mum who has been diagnosed, and if they go that will be everyone in my immediate family kicked the bucket in the past 10 years. I'm completely accepting of my own mortality but it's bitter when it's others you love. Still, it could be worse. They're saying all the right things at the hospital to make me think it can be treated. Still a few more tests yet to know which way they'll go... surgery or treatment (radio therapy or chemotherapy). I try to be positive for my mum but I'm finding it hard to feel positive in general.
That's life, the important thing is to keep trying.
dm me @raj808
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Ok, will do... but it will be tomorrow now as it's late here and I'm in bed on my phone when I should be sleeping lol
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No worries xxx Heart here for you xx
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