I want that woodchuck video narrator's voice. It's one of those voices that can make anything sound like serious business, even a video about Canadian wildlife.

When I worked in retail, I recall being reprimanded about how I wouldn't "get anywhere in the company" with my attitude. This was toward the end of a (very) deliberately temporary working arrangement.

It was one of those times when I thought of a great retort a couple hours later but it was too late. Not to be robbed of my opportunity, I decided to lie in future tellings of the story and say that I actually said something like: "I sure as hell hope not."

So, that's what I did. Yep. I didn't mumble a half-assed apology and drop whatever complaint I was pursuing. I stood right there and I delivered that line, exactly like that. Then, the entire place burst out into applause. The manager burst into tears and quit his job, and my fellow labourers hoisted me upon their shoulders and declared me their god-monarch.

It was a good day.