Hello from a former beer swilling, chain smoking, cake eating, greed machine

I’m a habit coach.

People present me with their bad habit, I perform my mysterious juju and just like that the habit’s gone.

Doesn’t matter what the habit is. Could be smoking, could be drinking, could be eating too much, could be nail biting or obsessive facebook checking. It could even be mental habits, like anxiety as they’re drifting off to sleep at night (didn’t realise that was a habit? It sure is). No bad habit can continue to exist once I’ve performed my mysterious juju. It’s like I clean the lenses of the glasses they’ve been wearing and with this new clearer vision the habit sort of, ups and leaves them.

I’m here on Steemit to discuss the mysterious juju.

The truth is there’s a throbbing misunderstanding lying at the heart of humanity and believe it or not, every piece of nastiness that plagues this planet of ours, which includes our inability to say no to another slice of pizza, or beer, or cigarette etc stems from this one misunderstanding. I am here to lance this misunderstanding, by pointing to where our human experience is actually coming from.

Calling it a misunderstanding is kind of like calling Jack the Ripper “a bit of a rogue”, but for want of a better word, if we were to correct this misunderstanding all the nastiness would go away. Seriously. Maybe even to the point where we could stop talking about nuclear weapons all the time, maybe even stave off climate change too.

As a bonus, none of us would have to sport nicotine stained fingers, big bulbous whiskey noses or an ass, visible from space.

For a long time I had an arse that was visible from space. I also drank like a fish at a frat party and smoked easily a pack a day. More if the day involved drinking at an actual party. I also picked my lip, constantly, to the point it’s now permanently dented and disfigured which is very annoying to someone as vain as me.

At first I did what we all do to try and get my shit together, I tried to change my behaviour. So I cut the carbs, went to crossfit, bought nicotine gum and marked off the days in my desk diary when I didn’t drink. It worked … to a point.

I drank less, sure, but every time I did, I smoked, and holding myself back from carbs took Herculean will which I rarely had available. If someone passed around a bowl of nachos I’d want one so bad that it was all I could do not to leap from my chair and pounce on the plate. So I was still in chains, I was just doing enough pistol squats to keep the ass in check. Until I went on holiday, or got sick or simply had a few days when I didn’t fancy training, then I ballooned. I had no solution for the lip picking so that I just carried on.

That was me for years. On the wagon, off the wagon, lifting my shirt in front of the mirror to check my abs were still there following a run in with a box of wine. At best choosing the small pizza. At worst saying to hell with it, I’ll start my diet again on Monday, ordering the large pizza, drinking most of the box, launching myself at a packet of cigarettes and then munching on the cold, stale crusts for breakfast. Round and round and round I went, all the time making sure I did enough burpees and toes to bar to minimise the damage. Until the holiday came along, or the injury, or sickness or general malaise that I referred to earlier. Then I was screwed.

See that's the problem with trying to fix your habits at the behavioural level. It ignores the thumping great yearning we feel in our chest that makes us want to do these things in the first place. We want to sit outside a bar on a sunny day, order a beer and unwrap a brand new packet of cigarettes. We want to spark up first thing in the morning, alongside a cup of strong coffee. We want a fun Friday night to celebrate the end of another week and we can’t do that with a kale salad and mineral water.

So it’s the yearning that’s the real problem. I call it The Nudge. It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking boozing, nail biting or gambling, bad habits all come down to that feeling that churns away in our chest until we either give in to it or throw ourselves off a bridge, because those are the only two ways we can think of to make it stop. We might be able to resist The Nudge briefly while our tank’s full of willpower but once that needle is pointing near empty? No chance. All the behavioural changes in the world aren’t going to make it go away.

Fortunately there is another way. Though it’s not a new way of doing that we need, it’s a new way of seeing. That’s why I’m here, glasses cleaner in hand.

Contrary to appearances, we’re not flawed or undisciplined or saddled with dodgy genes. Neither do we need psychoanalysis. Also we can hold off on stapling our mouths shut. We will be rid of our unwanted behaviour when we realise we can LAUGH at The Nudge when it hones into view, instead of taking it so seriously we’re virtually sweating trying not to look directly at the beer, or cigarette or slot machine (or whatever is your poison).

This is the nub of the misunderstanding that I alluded to earlier that makes us humans crazy for pizza, gambling, porn, cigarettes ….. and the maelstrom of other nonsense that engulfs this planet. We don’t realise laughing’s an option. So we essentially treat the bowl of nachos or beer or whatever it is like some kind of deity that we must bow down and worship.

Once we see the truth of where our experience of the nachos (and everything else) is actually coming from though, it’s hard to take The Nudge, or the nachos seriously. Cut to the end, you stop stuffing them into your mouth and your ass no longer features on Google Earth.

Curing you of a lust for fried corn snacks might seem petty, but waking up to the truth of where every experience we ever have is coming from, which includes those of all the stuff we're hooked on, is the next evolutionary phase of the human race. So there’s a kind of poetry about me publishing it here on Steemit, because those who do evolve are going to want a wallet full of crypto, myself included ;) So I’m excited to be here, albeit a tad late to the party.

So who am I? My name is CB, well it’s Celia really, but no one ever calls me that. I live on a sailing boat. Currently we’re in East Africa.

For ages I couldn’t decide who I found more annoying; hipsters, millennials or digital nomads, but as it’s transpired, I’m all three. Though back when I was starting out, the term was Location Independent Professional (not as pithy a moniker, I can see why it was dropped). Anyway, I’ve got the Thai fishermen’s trousers, the Jamaican anklet, the Glastonbury festival wristbands up my arm to prove it. I’ve even got chia seeds from my morning oats stuck in my teeth. It does mean no doubt I’ll also be posting snaps of street food and candid shots of me on a swing - or reporting on my dengue fever and all the latest from the pirates, you know, whatever.

Right, enough chit chat, there’s no time to waste. We’re going to correct this misunderstanding together, rid ourselves of our powerlessness in the face of our filthy habits and in so doing, improve the planet for one and all. So grab my hand and follow me.