The Expert
Aha! Now we are talking!
I exclaimed, brandishing my newly delivered suction weapon at the family.
They leaned back in fear as if I was about to do another of my demonstrations from the Puppetry of the Penis book.
This.
I said with no little drama...
Changes everything.
The good lady looked pleased.
It does look quite nifty. I like the wireless bit too. How long does it take to charge before we can use it?
I had a look at the box. I had decided to get a small handheld vacuum for the mess that surrounded the little boom's high chair after every feed as he was going through the chuck everything on the floor phase.
What the McFuck? 12 hours!? What was this, the nineties?
I plugged it in to charge and made a sad face at the family as if someone who won't be named hadn't properly flushed their tampon away earlier.
It won't be charged this evening, I'm afraid?
They looked at me and collectively sniffed with disdain as if I had pulled out a yo-yo and attempted to walk the dog.
Eventually, after much charging, I held it up again.
Are you ready for easy cleaning!
I roared.
I switched it on. It made a feeble sucking noise and a whine and then died out. I tried again. Nothing. Wtf!? Shoddy thing!!
Can you fix it?
Enquired the little lady?
No lass, this is beyond me. It needs an expert.
Aren't you an expert Daddy?
Not in vacuum fixing lass.
For a moment I pondered the kingly lifestyle we could have had had I been gifted with the art of appliance fixing.
Well what are you expert in?
She asked sweetly.
Damn. That was a good one. I was tempted to say nothing! But that wouldn't have done. I racked my brains for a suitable answer.
The little lady tugged at my sleeve.
Well, I think you might have forgotten the most important thing that you are expert in, Daddy.
I gave her the gecko eye and threw in a raised eyebrow for free.
And what would that be little Miss?
Cuddles!
She yelled and threw herself onto me.
She's right, I had forgotten the most important thing!
There really is such a thing. the hamburger looks painful and so does the Eiffel tower. Actually they all look rather uncomfortable lol. Saw the video but didn't read the book.
I have done the hotdog and the yacht!!
Hehe, oh dear oh dear!
Very impressive. I must look up the yacht one but it doesn't sound like fun.
It's one of the easiest. Its funny... as you do it you go, ahhhh, so it does a bit!
Now there is a little lady who has her priorities straight! Sometimes we need to see things through the innocence of a child's eyes...
I learn that more and more as time goes on!
Sometimes? I say always, but others seem to look down upon my obsession with candy. And the fact that despite me being "grown up," I still want to be an airplane when I grow up. Doesn't everyone?
Oh well.
Time to take that thing back to the store and smack the guy at the counter with it... at least you have cuddles to console the disappointment. Lolmight be date telling you that you need a bigger solution. Kids a freaking messy!!!
Yeah, we have a big giant fecker already but the missus was complaining it was too heavy, lol!
truth comes from the mouths of babes.
It sure does!
O my greatness.... that is the sweetest thing. Well she has earned herself a few 'get out of jail' cards just right there.
She had, she might even have bought herself a lifelong ticket... Again!!
All the men I know said they wanted a boy when their wives got pregnant - all the men I know that has daughters, are totally twisted around that little pinky.... my husband included and my 'little' girl is 25, so they never stop being daddy's little girl.
Hehe and it is a fine way to be!
Oh the household gadgets we collect to make life easier....when they work. haha I bought a cordless handheld vacuum specifically to vacuum my carpeted stairs and my car....guess how many times I have actually done that? Well let's just say I am not very good at vacuuming. hahaha. It is surprising how the battery doesn't last very long too. Oh well I can always get out my big vacuum and lug it around and use the attachments, then lift it up a few more steps of stairs, etc....but that is a lot of work, better not do it at all...lol. And yes that is the most important thing, one day I will get to experience parenthood. haha hopefully sooner then later, I am not a spring chicken anymore.
Don't worry, I am ancient and still managed, lol!
I love a gadget, was gutted when this one didn't work!
LOL :) Ok I won't worry so much. Yeah I bet! :( lol but you got some cuddles. so there you go. haha
I did and they were exceptionally sweet! A Sunday win!!
And always good to have a Sunday win! :) I just finished cooking up a couple of pounds of bacon for a Church Potluck later. We are doing loaded Baked potatoes. The only problem is I have to wait 5:30 more hours to eat them! But Hanging out with girls eating awesome baked potatoes with bacon on top, after listening to the good word. That will be my Sunday win for today. haha then I will come home to and my house will still have the sweet bacon smell. oh yes. haha
That definitely sounds like a win! There aint nothing quite like that aroma of bacon!
LOL I know right? hahaha :)
What a waste of money buying a vacuum cleaner which after 12 hours cannot get it to work! Fortunately, your little lady did not really care about the appliance and hug you. What a lucky man! Upvoted!
It did take the string out of it not working a bit :0)
In my house we have a Roomba! They charge by themselves they are reliable and they clean the house at night while we sleep! Best thing i've ever bought! It was actually a present for my mother! To clean up all the hair that my dog was shedding!
Do you know, I have looked long and hard at them andalways wondered if they were as good as people say! I have decided that will be my next gadget!
You can set it to do the cleaning in the middle of the night while you sleep! It's like having little helping gnomes in your house that clean the floor while you sleep!
And if the wife ever goes out for some days you won't have to spend the day before her return cleaning because Roomba has already done it! I literally throw bread crumbs, etc... to the floor and the Roomba cleans everything!
That sounds flipping marvellous. Do you have carpets or wood flooring?
granite floors and wood floors, but it cleans carpets just as well!
With the added bonus of putting a cat on top of it and taking a cool picture of a cat driving a Roomba!
The cat thing has always appealed!
Lol, that is one cool cat!
Hey Bookmdawg - I just realized you wrote a post stating that you're not an expert in anything, and nobody corrected you in the first 17 comments. Or for that matter, thought of something in which you are an expert.
Feeling kinda bad here. Well, we'll figure something out.
I have my own ideas but am not one to blow my own trumpet hehe ;0)
A few questions
And on an entirely different topic
Sorry. I have a bit of an inquisitive mind.
Well as to the why of there being such a book I genuinely have no idea! I was supposed when I learned of it I did tell a little fib, I wouldn't get the Johnson out in front of the family :0)
Yo-yo's are so passé dontcha know? It's not Street anymore. Like tap dancing.
Perhaps if you are the king of appliance fixing? It seems that way in your head. The grass is always greener they say!
Oh. Better go hide my yo-yo before someone sees it. And I'm rather disappointed, I was looking forward to learning a little bit of appliance fixing and living a life of luxury. Oh well. Guess I'll have to go back to my usual - attempting world domination.
In the end creatures such as us have nothing else but world domination
Ok, not yet sure how I feel about you calling me a creature. You did call yourself one though, so I feel a little better. Hmm, yeah, probably just poetic license.
I thought if I called both of us it it might seem better, lol.
Strictly poetic license'y of course :0)