The Graduate

Alright guys? What are we up to?

I and Sad-Arse looked up at the interruption. It was Peach, a dude who normally sat a few rows away from us both. He was in his early forties and quite large for a human.

Peach had a peculiar look on his face, as if he was a freshly shaved bear being drizzled in honey. He stuck his hand out and in a slimy way did his best James Bond impression.

Hey, the names Peach, pleased to meet you. I don't know if these two clowns told you but I pretty much run the show around here.

He chuckled to show he was joking. Obviously, in case I took umbrage and rammed an in-tray up his outbox.

The object of his attention was the girl sitting with us, Sila. She was a mere twenty years old and had just started with us. Our work had decided to start taking on graduates as part of a new trainee programme. Unfortunately, the first one to arrive was Sila.

I say unfortunately because as well as being young she was also rather pretty.

This had caused productivity in our department to nosedive as one by one the bearded IT geek collective all took turns to frothily sidle up to our desk and introduce themselves.

Peach was the latest.

Hi.

Said Sila.

If you need anything... I mean anything just give me a shout eh?

Said Peach, winking slightly in what he thought was a pant-moistening way but just made him look like an old tennis ball with a hole in it.

Ok.

Said Sila.

I idly chewed a pen whilst giving Peach a pitying stare.

We are trying to work Peachy pants?

Peach made a face as if licking a bay leaf.

And Sila, don't let these two lead you astray, know what I mean?

Said Peach, nodding to myself and Sadarse. He had a smug look on his as if his web had just started to vibrate.

I turned back to the screen where myself and Sad-Arse were running through the induction pack with Sila.

I flicked through a slide about ways of working and then on to the next one. I felt Peach's presence behind me like a rude ghost at a seance.

I hope these two don't bore you too much with all that nonsense!

Said Peach. Still resolutely not leaving.

I'm sure they won't.

Said Sila.

Peach looked all around conspiratorially as if Sad-Arse and I weren't there.

And remember, if you need anything... and I mean any...

Right you. Beat it and leave us alone, we are busy.

I interrupted him and turned to Sila.

Peach comes across as a bit of a pedo when you first meet him but he is harmless really.

Peach squawked something indignant about not being a pedo.

Sila laughed.

Well, I didn't want to say but he does a wee bit, yes

Peach gave a harrumph worthy of a Rhino and stomped off.

We got back on with our work. Mere minutes later a voice boomed out. It was El Jefe.

Well hello and who do we have here?

Oh man, here we go again.