Just another rant about the same ol' shit
I find this picture strangely fitting to describe the contains of the following.
The other day my mother asked if after my civil service I'm going to register as an unemployed to get some unemployed benefits.
"Excuse me but what part of 'me going to biking after civil service' did you forget?"
I actually didn't say that to her because I wasn't sure how the employment stuff works. It turns that to get the benefits you have to accept any job that is given to you from the labor ministry when you have registered as unemployed.
If it's wasn't clear enough already, I'm not going to continue on the fucking life tube hamster wheel shit by being an "unemployed" right after getting out of slavery! I am speechless for even having to think for the potential situation of needing to explain my position on that.
I didn't expect to get some money somewhere after my service is done. I'll be using the little money I get while being in the service. If I run out of money, I'll have to get a job.
I'm having hard time understanding why some people (looking at you mom and your parents) wouldn't support my plans on going biking. I'm going to extend my wings and hit the road alone, my home will be what I carry with me. I'm the only one that has my own back. I'm taking full responsibility over myself; if I fuck something up, it's on me, not anyone else. I will spend the longest time ever apart from my parents. Nothing will be served ready, especially if I don't ask for help.
It's my first real step at an attempt of becoming 'me'.
Maybe you're scared, sure, I understand. Maybe I could die hit by a truck, but then I might as well be afraid of being hit by a lightning from an open sky and not step outside ever again.
But why aren't you scared of me going down a path I don't want to that could lead to depression and suicide?
The more you try and leash me with words, the fiercely I smack your teeth into your throat. The more secure you want me to be, the further I will leave. The more expectations are laid onto me, the more unexpected things I want to do.
You back some "holy land" because you believe in a dude in the sky yet you don't seem to believe I'm equipped with a brain of my own to make decisions, and still you dare say I'm "gifted". Of course, being gifted or smart means one should go to school. Honestly, I'm little insulted about that.
Do you even want me to be able to tell in your funeral how much you supported me? Because right now that would be a lie, at least not the full truth.
Oh, now I'm getting really inappropriate by thinking about the funerals of people yet to die, but hey, I already thought about my own death also in an accident or in the alternative time line by depression, so does that make it even? Let's pretend it does. Why am I even asking, haha, imaginary conversations in my head.
I am having hard time even trying to articulate how dumb fucked I am, I can't even express myself anymore, I'm so fucking unbelievably "amazed" that the quality of my writing's probably stinking like rotten meat under a bums ass in a trash bin.
Maybe I got my stubborness from your side, but luckily I have not adopted some stupidly fed ideas to be stubborn about but instead of what I want to be my own fucking life to be. I guess I have to be the rebelsome teenager until you realize my victory. "you can't fucking tell me what to do!"
I'm fucking 20 already. Yeah, still a stupid kid who doesn't know shit about life, but that's exactly why I'm trying to go out there to figure some of it out.
And 18-year-old is already supposed to be an adult... You know what about to say: That's a (fucking) another scam.
Expectations – the root of suffering. I'm sorry I have to cause that for you, or maybe I'm not. I actually like the idea of breaking your schemes apart; you might've awoken my hidden sadistic tendencies, how 'bout that.
Though you should actually thank me, because if I were to listen to you, it would bring more suffering from fulfilling your expectations at the cost of my own happiness, leading me to bitterness and hatred towards you for listening your advice that I knew all along I should've not listened.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not living with humans. I seriously have so many reasons to believe this, but the dogs I tell this don't understand me.
</end of an awful rant>
You do have a point. It takes a lifetime to raise your parents.
In order to change what society thinks what you have to do to be a proper, "good" and productive citizen and a human being, it takes people that do things differently. Again and again. Talking about different ways of living. No matter what majority of people think about their usefulness.
For instance measuring the well-being of society according to gross domestic product is futile, wrong and pointless. In my opinion. The concept of having a "good" life if you own a house in the suburbs, go to work every weekday with your second car, have 2,5 kids, a dog and raising your kids to do the same as you did is a thought that too many people consider to be the only way to live a good life.
If I could change the things I did when I was 15 to 25 years old, I wouldn't change a thing. But what I would change would be the way I would state my mind and decisions to other people. My answers to my mother, to my teachers, to people who didn't treat me nice, could have been a little bit nicer. Instead of something like "Go fuck yourself, you are wrong, an idiot using authority as a weapon", I could have said: "I hear your point and I'm trying to understand it, I hope you could do the same for me."
After all, you never know the true reasons why someone says anything to you anywhere. Probably they were raised differently. Maybe they are prisoners of their own thinking. Maybe they have a bad day, week, month or a year. Maybe they are trying their best, thinking of your best, but they don't see that their means are making things worse. Maybe they have lost hope and their hands are tied due to low funding. Or maybe they are afraid. Afraid of not doing enough or doing too much.
It's a huge responsibility to raise a child. Realize how differently you have to do and say things to different children (and people generally). There are those children that practically almost grow up on their own. And you constantly worry that can you show enough love to them because they are so easily forgotten behind those who demand your attention more. And then there are those that are always in trouble. And you are worried that can you also spot the times when they are kind and easy so that you wouldn't always notice only the "bad" things.
And then there is the fear. Fear of loosing your child. Fear of loosing any child that has been given to your care. Almost the worst feeling ever because the worst feeling is if you loose a child.
That I whole-heartily agree with. Money and wealth increase well-being only to a certain point after which it becomes meaningless. I think there some other meters for measuring well-being other than gross domestic product but can't recall them now.
I'm sympathetic towards the few people that keep hoping things from me, maybe they have never had people like me in their lives who go against their values and beliefs. I dislike conflict and discussing these things when I'm "trapped" with the family gatherings of my moms side, would be rude to not be with them when they actually visit me. It's stressful but I'm trying to express myself which is hard to do knowing to get the unsatisfied attitude back, which makes me actually more eager to run away, lol. I'd rather not talk and let my actions speak for themselves instead of dwelling in the "But what after?" I hate when that's questioned because for me it's impossible to say with certainty, it depends what happens on the journey.
I totally get the "fear factor", mom tends to think and worry. But so have I had fears, which have turned out to be pointless when I've learned to face the stressful situation.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment @jokinmenipieleen!
I was wondering that same thing. Cant recall it but I'm sure there is one and I've seen several articles about it... Oh well. :)
Or, maybe in their perspective, that's all they ever see and hear. Everywhere. And they have taken it to be their life mission to correct the whole world of those, who do not think alike because that must be the only way to make everything that is and ever will be wrong in the world. Make the world great again. Make everyone believe alike, make everyone see alike, make everyone think alike, Make everyone look alike. The Pod People.
Wow. That escalated quickly.
"I know you're only going to the store 100 meters away, but CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE. DO YOU HAVE YOUR WARM JACKET ON?!"
And when moms become grannies they start baking and cooking and overfeeding everyone because "You are so thin, are you sure you don't have anemia, you should eat something. Have you eaten enough, take one more."
"Don't you fucking worry, mom. I'll feed myself by taking photos of (literal) shit and posting them on Steemit!"
I mean that's one way to earn money...
I kinda like it.
That's what the kids in future will tell at school when asked about their dreams🤣😂
I don't get it myself. Perhaps it's years of propaganda on what people are "supposed" to do, such that parents these days can't seem to support their kids unless they're doing exactly what's expected of them.
It is rather strange. Luckily my father is chill and let's me do whatever I want :D but sometimes my mom can't hold herself even though all the signs should be there that I'm not really listening her. Well, maybe she'll learn one day.
Humans rarely learn. Especially after a certain age. Usually, they just repeat bullshit others say. Some people call that "learning" though.
You might be right.
You going on a bike trip is the best thing you can do! I totally support you! :)
At least I got the support of Steemians! Thank you @trumpikas :D
if you want me to resteem your post to over 72,500 followers go here https://steemit.com/@a-a-a