Husbands, Contributed by @Olawalium
I picked this topic to share with us because there have been some archaic thoughts about how husbands should be and how wives should be. Mentality and what we have been exposed to, like I always say, shapes our reality and to break free from this mental stronghold, we need to be exposed to new ways of seeing things and thinking.
This post addressed the emotional demand that women place on men. Men complain about their wife demanding too much attention, but it is expected for them to demand these things. Men need to be ready.
Our grandfathers survived it, our fathers survived, we will survive it too. - Leke Alder.
We won't only survive, we will enjoy the process because we have a better understanding. We are not defined by what the society says or how they laugh at us, but we are led with better understanding and appreciation for women.
This sounds funny but it is the truth:
”There are all those responsibilities of a husband no one warns you about. They are soft but it all adds up emotionally. They draw you down emotionally as a man. For instance, you have to help her do her zipper. Of course, she’s been doing her zipper before she ever met you but now you’re married, you’re a zipper! And yes, you have to notice she’s changed her hairstyle. And you have to commend it irrespective of your personal feeling about the hairstyle. If you make the mistake of complaining about the hairstyle you’re in for it. Not after she’s spent all that effort trying to look good for you!” - Leke Alder. (Unfortunately, I read this somewhere some time ago and I couldn't rightly state the source, but that was in Leke Alder’s voice).
In marriage, being sensitive to the needs of the other partner and doing the little as well as the basics goes a long way and it establishes a bond. As you are the zipper, you are also the unzipper. That’s one of the ways to do it better. Our fathers couldn't, because they felt their family members must not see them do that. It ‘degrades’ them, they would say. Women love appreciation.
Everything matters. Don’t expect her to bring the change for you after she comes back from the market. Tiny details matter. Give her attention, eat her food on time. Admire and commend her a lot and oh yes! We need to also develop the ability to take selfies. It’s funny, but it is true. Leke Alder said they might take up to 40 pictures and pick only 2, but then, we need to do it anyway. We are not to overlook all these seemingly tiny things. Never forget a wedding anniversary, and her birthday, if you do...oh well...
As husbands, we can’t fully know them until we reckon with their vanity and in all these little “troubles”, we learn perseverance and also have memories to chew on, in our old age.
As husbands, we need to learn how to take notice and also commend our women. We even need to learn the latest fashion trend. We need to do things to get them excited. You can't underestimate the extent to which they can go for you when they feel valued and loved.
We can always do it better. Whatever your heart tells you to do, which you know she would like, just go ahead and do it. Forget what the society says. We need to be better husbands and stop holding on to what people “might” say.
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
All that women really want is to be loved, and all that men really want is to be respected.”
Generalizations are seldom ironclad, but it follows that men who love their wives tend to be respected, and that women who respect their husbands tend to receive love. It’s also true that the best way to get what we need from our wife is to both give her what she needs and to give her what we need.
Never demand respect:
When we raise our voice, berate, bully, and otherwise posture or attempt to coerce respect, then we’re moving in exactly the wrong direction.
Be a servant-leader in your home:
When men demonstrate humility, grace, and mercy at home, the strength of character that defines them as servant-leaders commands the kind of respect that is rooted in love and appreciation.
Consistently put other people first, including her:
Leaders who act like they are the most important person in the room get both obedience and rebellion. But leaders who put others first tend to be followed and loved. Are you putting her first?
Always follow through on your promises:
One indicator of integrity is a consistent level of follow-through when it comes to keeping promises. And a byproduct of integrity is respect. If your wife knows where you stand, and she can expect you to follow-through, then respect is part of the package.
Brilliant!. Absolutely brilliant. I totally enjoyed this. This is wonderful.
That is the truth. I need to add nothing. That just did it for me. Gracias amigo.
Wise words from a wise man, I love every part of your comment.
Men indeed wanted to be respected and women wanted to be loved, but you can only get what you want by giving what you have, that's the principle of a successful home.
Give what you have for what you want!. Sweetly brilliant. Good one brother.
Thanks bro, always appreciate you.
This is the point a lot of people don't really understand, especially in West Africa country like Nigeria.
We believe in tribalism and culture. A man who decided to help her wife fetch water we be regarded as moron. Whereas, your wife is not a housemaid or a slave who you expect to do all the activities.
Though, women has the responsibility to take care of house, helping her out when you are less busy is not a bad thing. But it's the environment that determines what we do to our loved ones at times, which is very bad.
As a man, we have to do everything in our capacity to make our wife happy. Doing that will makes them returned the kindness and will would have a blessed family.
Thank you @communitycoin and @olawalium for sharing
This is wonderful. I totally love your contribution. Yes, we focus too much on what the society might say rather than what logic, reasoning and common sense tells us to do. We should always do better.
Thanks for your brilliant contribution again. Love it.
Thank you so much @olawalium for the feedback. I'm very happy you love my contribution. I'm motivated!!!!!
I love it and i enjoyed it. Thank you so much.
You nailed it bro, culture is one of the major destroyer to happy home.
This remain one of the reasons we have make broken homes in this part of the world.
Yes @emmakkayluv. And we need to accept that the old times has gone, and this is the new generation of people.
Exactly. What worked 40 years ago might not be relevant again now and we need to have a shift in thinking to accommodate the new.
Sure, new generation with new ideology... Lol
With all these citations from Leke Alder, I think I need to lay hold on some of his materials... Lol
Doing all that were suggested in this post would not only make one a good husband every wives would love to marry, but it will also give you an happy home and happy life because one thing I've learnt about women is that they multiply whatever men give to them.
Thank you @olawalium and @communitycoin for contributing to our growth.
Hahahaha they always multiply everything we give to them. Someone told me the same thing too today.
Doing these things get them excited and it is expected of us to. When they are excited, our lives as men would be better too.
Thanks a lot for this brother, always appreciated.
With women is the law of multiplication... Lol
What you want from your wife, be the one that would first do it, then relax as you expect double... Lol
Absolutely and even when you involve them on an issue, any issue for that matter, consider it done and settled. They are the extra milers!. We are blessed to have them, as they are blessed to have us.
That's is just it bro.
In a nutshell do not keep expectation, and rightly so as expectation reduces. There should be a mutual understanding between husband and wife to make a smooth life journey. Expectation must be replaced by caring to help each other all the time. Hisband & wife relationship are integral to eac other.
It is good to have expectations on certain things sometimes and the problem isn't much about having it, but in returning it. We should be able to give as much as we are expecting. It should be met with a considerable level of effort if not evenly matched.
Yes, you are right, understanding is key. It saves a lot of troubles and petty arguments that springs forth.
Thanks a lot for sharing your view.
Well, to me, we all have certain level of expectations, we are all expecting something from our partners, but whatever we set expecting, we should be able to give.
True, relationships must also progress, that's an added value, the surprise factor is always good.
A marriage without changes is a sure failure. Regards.
Good one there, my friend. Changes are expected and needed. We need to do well and adjust to it and make it an habit, because we need to enjoy it and not endure it.
Both parties surely need to adopt some changes when it comes to marriage, but if they can both play their expected roles perfectly, happy home would be their neighbor...lol
A very nice post. I'm still young to get married though, however this definitely prepare my mind for what's coming. Thanks @olawalium for sharing anyway and I like the quotes from Leke. I hope you had a nice weekend.
Yes, it is never too late to learn this. Now is as good a time to learn it and i appreciate your kind words as usual. Thanks a lot brother.
You're most welcome. Have a blossoming Sunday and week. ❤
Amen and you too brother. Happy Sunday to you.
I hope you had a nice day
I definitely did. Great day it was, yours?
Oh I'm sorry it's so late. You know, NEPA issues... It was fine o
Totally understandable.
You have added advantage just like me, I'm not in marriage yet, but this is one of those things I need to get prepared... Smile
Hahahahaha it knocked on you...it cometh soon...brace up. Hahaha
Hahahahha, don't worry, it won't be too long from now, minus another day today... Smile
😊😊we're on the same good page.
Sure.. Smile
What a good subject, Many marriages would be happy if the husband and the woman clearly understood that they are on the same side haha
Exactly, not only on the same side, but on the same page, reading the same book, heading for the same goal; happiness.
Thanks a lot my friend.
Yea, they should be together in everything....
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Unfortunately, it is true that the mother is the first madrasah for the children. But the tittle "mother" attached to us is also a new thing. We do not necessarily form a reliable mother, we need guidance and cooperation in order to really become the best madrasas for our children.
We do not escape the mistakes, especially if we sometimes overreact to a problem. We are entrusted with more sensitive feelings, therefore treat us gently. Let us know through a slow rebuke, not with a harsh warning. We really need this understanding.
I really understand you are trying hard to earn a living for the life of our little family, I understand you are very tired. But really I am the same, although the behavior of our child's witty is entertainment, but handling them is not a small job. Let's hold your hands tighter and encourage each other.
Most of us have limited interaction at home, if we talk a lot, we are just worried about going overboard. Therefore we better keep silent and make you the most comfortable story companion. We just want to be heard, that's the nature of us who prefer to talk.
We know the limitations of most men is to express their feelings. But if you do it a little more, I know you can. And this will change my daily life, you know! I'll smile all day long knowing someone loves me sincerely.
Your busy life outside to earn a living I understand as a great tiredness. But you must know, your little heaven called "home" also needs you busy too. Together the time together is invaluable.
All the complexities of women's tasks make women glorious in the eyes of God, therefore women are equipped with tremendous fitrah. May more and more husbands understand how important they are to their wives.