The "What-Does-He-Have-That-I-Don't-Have-Issue" - Why Competing Is So Hard For Some Of Us
If you can't win your race, make sure the guy ahead of you breaks the record. - Steven Prefontaine
What we tend to forget from time to time, is that competitors are no enemies. They can actually become our most valuable source of inspiration, best trainers and most efficient motivators.
If we let them be.
What I've learned over the years - living in different countries and getting in contact with different cultures - is that how people deal with competitive situation has a lot to do with their educational and cultural background. While in some nations competition is rated as someting positive, able to leverage the true potential of an individual as part of a community, in others people are not taught how to embrace the challenge. Hence, they have their difficulties in dealing with the better one next to them.
I've even noticed that in some nations people generally perceive competition as a threat, and their natural reaction on people who're more successful than themselves is stiring up trouble.
They begrudge others the shirt on their back.
Besides a certain cultural influence, often the inability to appreciate healthy competition is proof of a lacking self-confidence. It's hard to have faith in the chance to seriously compete, if you're not convinced about your own skill set.
A popular reaction is then:
I can't get there? Whatever, I never wanted.
Instead of capitalizing the challenging situation, people often start being jealous and blanket their own potential with negativity. Then the what-does-he-has-what-I-don't-have-issue denies them any chance to succeed by themselves.
Deep inside they may know that they're on the wrong path :-)
How do you deal with people that are more successful than you are?
Picture kindly provided by pixabay
The #neidkultur
In German we even have a term to describe the culture of envy.
As I said, some nations are more trained on these situations than others. American people, for instance, are role models in taking advantage on competitive environments. They admire those who're more successful than themselves instead of being envious.
It's a completely different approach.
Envy is an universal human emotion, that is appreciable in almost all well-known cultures. Yet, it's closely tied up to culture-specific evaluation of social inequality. - Languages of emotion
Envy and discredititation are serious success blockers.
According to Leo Monada, a Professor of Psychology at the University Trier (Germany), there are two main premises for envy:
Competition and a low self-esteem. You wouldn't envy the Prince of Bangladesh, since he's too far away. People envy their colleages or friends.
I don't know how you think about it, but to me envy has always been a huge waste of time.
Here's the secret: In order to succeed, you don't need to take away anything from anybody!
Successful people don't envy others, because they're busy with more important things
Have you ever seen any successful sportsman being jealous?
I haven't.
Just imagine how ridiculous a player during the Soccer World Cup may look like giving an interview and revealing envious emotions towards a competing team.
Professionals don't waste their time with negative emotions, and that doesn't only apply to sportsmen.
Smart people appreciate the chance to learn from the best - to then improve their own doings. Like that, competitors become their most valuable mentors, without needing to hire them.
As we have discovered in this article, it requires confidence and self-esteem to not only enter competition but also not to begrudge others being first.
If you can't be happy for their success, then it says more about yourself than about them.
The next time you feel the envy arising, turn it into a positive energy and use it for your own benefit
Admiration for someone can be a great source of personal inspiration, hence the ultimate driver to growth.
Remember: Envy slays itself by its own arrows.
Much love,
Marly -
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This blog was created in July 2016, aiming to provide thought-provoking content for open-minded people who go on adventure, step out of comfort zones and embrace the new.
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It's really strange. People who are happy and content with their lives seem to always come to the same conclusion eventually. That negative emotions such as envy are to a great extend unnecessary and avoidable, because they are a complete waste of time. Nothing productive ever comes from it.
It's like a law of nature.
I fully agree! It's a law of nature :-)
Well said, and well thought out. I'm really enjoying your "perspective/motivational" articles. They are such good reminders. I was even sharing info from your recent "Lion" article with a friend of mine when we were talking about the value of delegating and not trying to "do it all yourself". You're inspiring me!
Aaaaaw, that's such a huge compliment for me! Really! Thanks a lot :-)))
I enjoy very much setting up these type of articles since I always learn something by myself doing the research. Also I've been reading a lot about psychology and life coaching during the past years and that has helped me a lot to max out my own potential and become better at certain things. Now writing about these experiences here is a way to share my knowledge with others that might also appreciate it.
Again, thanks for the lovely statement! That's actually the best motivation for me :-)
Me encanta esta publicación, sabes que siempre he pensado de esta manera:
Siempre me ha gustado estar con personas que saben más y que hacen cosas mejor que yo para así aprender de ellos... Lo veo como un privilegio poder compartir con ellos y aprender... Si tuviese envidia, perdería un tiempo valioso en el que pudiera aprender cosas productivas.
Me encanta tu punto de vista! Hey un proverbio que dice: Si eres el más listo en la sala, debes de cambiar de sala. :-)
De hecho es un privilegio poder aprender de otros.
Muchas gracias por tu comentario!!!
exactamente! :-)
Nice read indeed, gut gemacht! I'll stick around for more.
Envy is not an emotion to get too caught up in, it is a distraction and a waste of energy.
I need to remind myself of this at times, I'm glad you reminded me today :)
I guess it's an emotion we all know. It's inside all of us, but we're definitely able to learn to control it :-)
Thanks for stopping by. You don't like to be number 2 in comments, huh? :-D
Control and use it as drive to succeed maybe?
2nd? pffft, why settle for 2nd!? :D
Haha, I'm pretty sure there's nobody who's going to be able to compete with you here any time soon :-))
Btw, I'll include "my followers ranking" in my tomorrow's post.
You never know! Meanwhile I'll take the number one spot and try to keep it!
Let me know when you need your updated list :)
If you want to be better, don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday. A lot of people want to improve themselves in big ways but can't even tidy their house or be in control of the simple things. They don't think they are big wins. That may be true but if you humble yourself and start small you'll experience what many economists have called the Mathew Principle
"For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. — Matthew 25:29"
As soon as you start making a bunch of little wins you'll have more in life lining up for you, but it first takes a humbling.
When it comes to competition we always tell kids "It's not about winning, but its how you play the game." This is what you're talking about in the article when you say that professionals don't complain (they do sometimes and get ridiculed, especially in wrestling).
Anyway great article. It aligned with what I've been thinking about lately.
Thanks a lot for stopping by @cryptophunk!
According to the comments left in this thread, the topic is quite thought-provoking to many, and that's great to see.
I like that very much. It's been the way I have been educated by my own parents :-) Also they showed me how to be happy for someone else's success, and I'm very grateful they did.
Again, thanks for your valuable addings. I'm very happy to read all those long and deep thoughts her :-)
That's exactly what I think.
I don't know if we have this word in french... We probably have. Need to find it ;-)
Thanks Marly !
Thank YOU for stopping by @roxane!
I think it's quite significant if a nation does even have a word for it...:-)
Thanks @surfermarly for such post,
How we define success also contributes to someone being envious. Actually, in many cultures, and due to certain kinds of motivation at childhood, success is all about being ahead of others. Such definition of success leaves no room in the mind for another definition. Thus, many don't have a goal of achieving something rather of being better than someone. It is about where you are at the social hierarchy that exist in many cultures.
When we trace things back to childhood, When the more successful member of a family takes all the attention and love of older members in such a way that another less successful one loses the love and attention he innately needs. He unconsciously, perceives such success as a threat.
Many parents actually blackmail their children into certain behavior which usually is compared to other children. That makes not only success, but also any good attribute about someone else becomes a threat.
For those who measure their success by emotional or financial rewards, the more others are successful the less rewards are left to them such as money and attention.
Thanks for your deep comment, that's been quite interesting to read!
I love the American concept where success is something 100% positive and apetecible. Also being proud of one's achievements is a completely natural habit among Americans. That's even a great approach from a psychological point of view: if you're in an environment where success is something everybody's striving for and where people are celebrated for, then this is per se very motivational.
I've never been part of an environment where success was a priviledge reserved for a few. In my family we push each other and are incredibly happy for everything one of us accomplishes. I actually couldn't imagine it to be differently...
I don't know where the idea comes from that success requires taking aways something from someone else. From my point of view, it's a completely counterproductive approach.
Again, thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts! That was quite enlightening.
me llena de mucha energia postiva y motivacion tu publicacion gracias por compartir
Me alegra que sea así @tjoseph1! :-)
Your last paragraph is the truth that all should honor. I have to say though that my biggest competition is within me against myself each and every day. For me, I myself am my biggest obstacle. Good to see you SM!