Pressure. II, Contributed by @Olawalium
...continued...
I promised to share a true life story with you in the last post and I did justice to it as fast as I could. Quite a long story though.
The lady in question is a very good friend of mine. She dated my very good friend, whom I attended the same University with. In fact, I met this lady through this friend of mine. They were dating back then and it was all going great and smooth until we finished University and they just switched to casual friends.
What could be the problem? Her mother. Her mother wanted her to marry quite early and my guy friend just finished University, so he wasn’t working. The mother couldn’t wait, I guess and piled so much pressure on this lady. The lady agreed to leave my guy friend alone, and she was searching for a ready person. To the mother still, it was taking too much time, so the mother took it upon herself to search for her.
There was this family friend’s son, whom the lady knows too but she wasn’t really close with. The mother gave her too much pressure to pick this guy and she wouldn’t budge. She said she wanted to at least know the guy first. This wasn’t good enough still, for the mother.
She was in another city, working and anytime she traveled home, she will only see this guy briefly and talk for few minutes and all. She was trying to build at least some level of connection with the guy. The pressure was so much that she couldn’t handle and she was close to breaking point, and no other guy was really in sight at that time. (With that much pressure, if any guy came in sight, she would have jumped at him, and it would have still been a disaster because she didn’t choose with a clear head).
She was just 25 years old. The mother said all sorts of things that she is unserious because she knows she is beautiful, so she is busy flaunting around while time is going. You know how mothers sometimes try to guilt us just to make us see their point and the angle they are coming from? Little did they know they are piling so much pressure on us.
On one fateful day, the mother called her to come home for an urgent meeting. She knew it must be about her. She got home that Saturday around 10 am, only to see preparations going on, and she had no idea what it was meant for. After few minutes, the mother told her they are having an introduction to her, and the mother already sewed her clothes for her and gave it to her to wear.
She was at the point of no return. Few minutes after she dressed up after much efforts and tears, the family members of the said man started coming in. She had to put on a bold face and attend to them. That was how she did the introduction. (In Nigeria, an introduction is the stage where both families come together to know each other and to formally ask for the hand of a lady, in marriage. The groom's family always go to the house of the bride’s family to do this).
What are your thoughts on this story? For me, I don’t think I would ever give in to this. I am a strong personality, I just won’t accept this. Do you like this kind of arrangement? Do you think it is good? What are the good sides or bad sides to this story so far? I had to cut it so we can all deliberate on this, so I can share the concluding story as to what happened to the lady and the reaction of the mother afterward in the next post, which will be the last part for this series.
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
Here you may ask why calmness is so important when facing pressure? Well, there are many things you will experience in your life, and they can all put pressure on you if you do not face them calmly. Your calm fantasies will make you think more clearly and with a calm attitude will make you more easily out of the pressure.
When you are depressed, your emotional side will take over. Should not let that happen, do not make you emotional when facing it. But learn to be patient, your patience is a good start to form a calm attitude. When you are patient then your peace will bring you more easily face it, for example when you are pursued deadline work do not hurry to finish it. Keep calm, rearrange your schedule and set up the priority scale in your work so you can more easily solve it.
One side that can make you feel depressed is when you are too trying to reach your goal. The purpose of life is important, but you must realize that if you push yourself too you will feel depressed and when the pressure comes then stress is stalking your life. To reach the goal you do have to push yourself but remember when you stress then you just trap you in trouble. Here you need peace, if you want to reach your goal do not rush to stay calm because in this phase there are many things you can learn to support your achievement. Do not hesitate to give an appreciation of the results you have now achieved because it will motivate you. But do not forget to keep optimistic reach it you can imagine if you just not calm alias rush to reach it ?.
One of the causes of pressure is your unpreparedness when facing it. Well, then it is very good that you make the planning before doing the things you want to do and do not forget to enjoy it. When you are calm then you will enjoy all the things you do this is where you will get important lessons in your life.
Being calm, thinking things through and being in control with proper self love will always make us think thins through and develop our abilities to handle things better. Thanks a lot,
Good morning b boss..
Never ever get married for these reasons.
If you marry by any other reason then you will end up with lot of regrets.
All the above reasons are just temporary emotions without any logic. SO IGNORE THEM.
You Should marry ONLY WHEN
So wait until you find one.
This lady really had a lot of pressure
Too much of a pressure, and sadly she folded under it. We react and respond to situations differently.
I am not a woman, but i don't think that i would have allowed that to reach to the end. Eventually i must make my mother understand otherwise.
Your story is quite touching. Thanks for sharing.
I would never agree to that too. This is a major life decision which should be made by me and me alone. Unfortunately she folded and the mother changed the course of her life.
Thanks a lot.
What?
Like seriously?
You mean a planned introduction?
No no no
This is the height of it
I'll never take it
Gosh
I can imagine what the lady would be going through but this isn't right at all.
What if it doesn't work out for them both in the marriage?
It's the mother's fault
She'll be held to blame.
I've heard people say God's time is the best and I really do think it is....
Though it tarries, wait for it.... It will not lie....it will come to pass.
What the mother did is very wrong and a no no for me.
I only hope the lady doesn't regret this in the end.
She will never forgive her mother.
She allowed herself to be pushed. @25, I think one is mature enough to decide his or her fate.
Their is no happy ending for such a relationship.
You build love before marriage and not the other way round.
Different strokes for different folks. It easier to say she allowed it because we all have different family settings. Some families are like lion's den and they do well to raise nice cubs. Hahahaha
Hahahahh, but their are decisions you can never allow anybody to make for you.
The issue of marriage is one of them. I think it would be more appropriate if I say I can't take it... Lol
Absolutely.
I would never take it too. That is just the height of it. She has no control even over her life's choice. We see and do things differently and i am sure if she was given the chance to do it again, she would fight tooth and nail. It was really bad. She held back tears but her voice was with so much regret. I could tell.
I have to say she did it because she wanted it, she allowed her self to be pushed because she felt their was an urgent need. How can anyone on earth decide that for me?
I will surprise everyone on that day if I'm to be the lady, I will create scene at least to unburden myself.
Though, the mother's intention was clear but the approach was wrong, even if the guy ended up been the right guy, she should have allowed it to come from the two of them.
The chance of such relationship to success is not up to one out of ever hundred. They will end up living as hostel mates and not lovers...
Well, I would like to see where the story ended, but I think it can't have an happy ending.
Thank you @olawalium and @communitycoin
Love this: "Though, the mother's intention was clear but the approach was wrong, even if the guy ended up been the right guy, she should have allowed it to come from the two of them."
She really went about it the wrong way, totally. This is a matter of life, no one should determine it for me. Well, we see things differently and we should be grateful for the family we are in as well, because there are some families where everything gets decided for them and they dare not blink or argue. The children live in fear and dare not speak up. Love is non existent in their homes, so if she came from a setting like this, it will take extra effort for her to break free, that is why i won't blame her for allowing it.
Thanks as always for your amazing input. I definitely will not agree to it too. NEVER!!!.
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The story you actually shared matched the title well and portray it to a greater extent, in the life, there is no way we could do without pressure from family and relatives, be it education, choice of marriage and plans for future, parent always believe they know more than we do but things are actually changing and evolving everyday, the era of selecting for you kids is gone but they won't give in to that.
Although I don't support such move but there is nothing the lady can do that moment unless she want to disobey her parent which is not a good idea, she can actually have her way later after the introduction but for now what she did is the best thing for the family peace. I can say we Yoruba is too fond of that, it happens often even though we are getting more civilized day by day. I will be waiting for the conclusion of the story you shared brother.
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I really love your story @olawalium it's quite touching
I would never agree to that too. you have to make decision over your life by yourself, and not someone else dictating for you,
And in contributions to pressure part 1 and 3
To me Pressure encourages people to take their chances, though pressure can harm you in many ways, it could make you choose bad life choices. But It can also pressure you to grab opportunities that has heavy effects in your future . pressure, in every ways has influences in your life choices.
I believe that pressure is more useful than harmful, as it encourages teens of our generation to take every chances that would guarantee their future standings.
Yes, we youths don't have alot of will, and constantly needs a push to the right direction. pressure ensures that we make choices that we won't regret. It benefits us in many ways we don't expect.
Our parents pressures us to study hard in order to make a better life in the future. This is true, their help ensured so many successful people on their career path.
But did you know that it's not all celebrities reached their current position by themselves, they had to be influenced by something or someone. Mostly pressured by either their guardians or friends, which we call friend pressure.
The celebrity idols of yours might have been encouraged to take the audition by their friend, or took classes because of their parents will. Those activities might be a start to a chain reaction of their successes in life.
I really love this topic from you @olawalium, and a big thanks you goes to @communitycoin for sharing