Bananafish Feature: Expurgation Edition
{Remove thine from this temple, for thy obscenity offends the eyes of people. I say this not because I am evil but because thou art no guarantee by any holy body nor legal papyrus to do so! So I ask, remove thine or be removed from this temple. Do not make me expurgate thee, my follower; 'tis no easy hole to come back if thou follows through with carrying it on... Today's post is a Bananafish feature, for both Finish the Story and Mizu No Oto contests... Today's music-aide: "Expurgation" [1.] (Madness Combat OST, Cheshyre, YT).}
Banners by @f3nix
- Bananafish Feature: Expurgation Edition -
[Image captured by @marcoriccardi]
[1.]Crackle, pop, break, hiss
The crowd gave one last hoo-rah:
"O hallelujah!"
- Prompt by @gaby-crb -
Kayla’s boots hit the ground. The dry earth scattered into dust clouds as she strode across the front of the house. Manny was late again.
The harsh sun beat down against her brown skin. She looked off into the distance, the heat haze sat above the plain, rippling the sight of the far off mountains.
She lifted her arm, checking her watch. The sun reflected across the scratched screen. She ran her finger over the deepest scratch. It had still worked after her accident.
A young boy came hurtling out of the front door and blindly ran straight into her. The force knocked them both to the ground.
She fell hard. Her limbs scraped against loose stones and the scorched dirt.
“What in the devil are you playing at?”
She got up quickly, patting herself off in the process.
The young boy sat still. Tears rolling down his dirty cheeks. He coughed as he struggled to breathe, the fine dust getting into his lungs.
Manny stepped onto the veranda and placed his hands on his hips. His shirt hung open and his hat tilted on his head.
Kayla shook her head at the sight of him. She had known Manny her entire life but she was always surprised to see him so relaxed at his home.
“This your boy Manny?”
“Aye, that be Thomas.”
“He make yer’ late then?”
Manny walked down the front steps and helped his son up. Thomas took the offered hand reluctantly.
Kayla chuckled to herself.
“Better bring him with us. ‘Bout time he learned the family trade.”
Manny and Thomas followed Kalya towards her truck. The truck smelled of licorice and sawdust. The engine rattled into life. Thomas slid into the centre. His eyes still pooling with tears.
Manny opened up a hip flask, taking a sip. He growled as the harsh liquid hit his throat. He passed it to Kayla, she drank as she drove across the open land.
“What them tears about then?”
She asked as she passed the flask back.
Manny laughed. “He got a clip round the ear for talking cheek to his mother, didn’t ya’ boy?”
Kayla gripped the wheel tighter as the truck bounced over the rough terrain.
“Well, that seems rightly deserved then. Ya’ don’t talk like that to your ma kid, ya’ just don’t.”
The truck swayed as the tires followed the grooves and tracks of the land. Thomas was the most affected by the force, having spent very little time in vehicles of any kind. He watched as the truck traveled through a river, unaffected by the water.
Manny lit up a cigarette and tilted his head back as he exhaled. The smoke filled the air quickly, Thomas started coughing.
“Quit it will ya manny. The kid got weak lungs or summit’?”
“He’s a weaklin’ alright.”
Manny laughed as he clapped his son on the back.
- CHANGED ENDING by @theironfelix -
"Wait, Manny, be that the Police?"
"Oh crap, those fuckin' pigs at us now!"
"E'ERYBODY, HOLE UP 'N' GET READY FOR A WILD RIDE, YEE HAW!"
The course dirt and gravel pebbles scream as the tires radiate heat unto it's floor skin, soon screaming yet again as a police car chases them. Cha-chunks bounce around in the interior, noiser than even the road's screams. Manny, still keeping his cig in his mouth and the window moaning satisfyingly down, pokes his head out. Bullets scream of their whizzing by, but Manny's head ducked back in before being peppered by the Police.
"Thomas, me boi, head down! Kayla, pick up and go rando on these bozos!"
"Manny, shoot once 'n' land a damn shot. Else this scratch'd watch will be the only purty thing."
His lips cracking a devilish smile, his arms with his body climb partially outta the truck window. But now on the window sill, his arms take aim and the shotgun roars it's pellets to life. The pellets making their individual screams, yet ever-loud their collective scream is when they crash through the cruiser's windows and rip alive the driver's body-n-face. Blood spewing out, the car screams outta control and soon marries a tree nearby; marked by the huge indent and the passenger's body pinned by the crumpled car.
"Think I got the pigs good, weird they only chased us."
"Not tempting fate today, Manny. Imma floor this, climb back in yah doofus."
"Of course, floor it to the far edge of the forest. I got a bunker we can hunk down in, methinks they won't investigate long."
"Manny, the police are nuts here. They shall upturn this place before they call it quits. Why else yah think the neighborhood looks like a crappy Las Vegas but worse?"
"Napalm-usin' bastards. They couldn't leave us alone when we harbor'd somebody that done no wrong."
"Sorry, Thomas. We ain't teaching no trade today; plus I bet Manny has his head all over town now seein' how technology has evolv'd so far."
"Bet yer ærs it did. Anyways, turn left here."
The truck swerving hard and the road still screaming in pain, the trio would eventually stumble upon the bunker after many a false memory recalls by Manny. Even so, the forest will not have heard of them but be instead tortured by a search party of police and forensics working full shift to even gain a whiff off a hint.
Many days later they suspended the case, finding all items from the tracks made by common tires to commonly purchased civilian-grade pellet shots. With no lead and the police calling off the investigation, the bunker roared to life and party was bouncing off the bunker walls. Tears came rushing outta the trio of Manny, Kayla and Thomas, a hoorah for all, a hoorah for them.
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Two things: GET READY FOR THAT CO-WRITTEN POST ON MONDAY WITH @calluna! and also that Entropy: Zero 2 is shaping up to be a good game. Good on those devs. c:
Anyways, just a quicky: I relaxed all day yesterday, finally one I didn't had since the philosophy fortnight and then week of fiction-crafting posts. Yet there's always more to the tale, there's always a moreness. I actually did had something planned but scrapped it after experiencing two events since yesterday. The first, and I shall not go into specifics here, was that of a snarky ærs that decided to "ghost / radio silent" while doing jack shit elsewhere. (Radio Silent refers to cutting off communications with a person/group completely.) I am stopping there before I burst out again; the second reason is that I decided to rest and do a mental folly project. In particular, actually conceptualizing the end state for all the sagas and spin-offs in this "Pre-End of History" scene. All the battles, arcs, triumphs and losses culminating in this one scene. And well, to castrate the obscenity: I basically bursted out in fullblown tears after so much tension in my body and just not accepting that I could even have an end-state (where then the characters can "live their lives out" without my eye). But, after a while of all this racked grief of some people's incompetence and then the mental folly sometime later, it would've happened eventually...
And it's okay to be sad sometimes, remember to take care of yourself. I feel a whole lot better of crying. Dobranoc!~ ;^ c:
Some may come back and wonder why in the fuck did I rewrite the ending. Truth be told: no one is to blame. You see this, do you! NO ONE! This is no maturity act, this was me merely letting the passions go and unfuck myself back into insanity. Concerning that I, Victor who truly is named Victor who runs an account called @theironfelix, have presently decided, on my own selfish whims, to rewrite the ending not because of mass confusion but because I had enough and want to make sure the Entire World will hear me fucking scream. I've suffered too fucking much and I haven't been upfront on bringing this out; not because I'm shy nor truly secretive. Just look at what I've done and you'll see how conflicting my personality is to make any identifier bot not know who the hell I was. I don't talk much about me because if I were to even eek truly one thing of me, it would put people to a worse state. And basically what I am trying to say: I don't want to see people like me, thus why I work so hard to pull people outta the mire and help them even when I deteriorate further to the depths of Hell. Truly: I just want to be forgotten altogether and I want a damn hug... To whom it may concern: @calluna, @f3nix, @bananafish, @dirge. No, you ain't guilty of shit: "ruth be told: no one is to blame. You see this, do you! NO ONE!" - I'm going to sleep, and yes I redid this entire post in 30 minutes. Bite my ærs.
Our 43rd Edition awaits the hand of a fearless writer to complete the tale. Will you share with us an ending that only you can tell? Good luck, brave storyteller! 😎
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TrufflePigYou took this in an interesting direction. You built tension and left me with death. Nice ending.
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments! Indeed: scorched Earth, accident, mention of skin and pickup truck, how could I not follow up on that? So it was fun to imply a World beyond that grafted this on her and her companions through my ending which was supplmented with yer prompt. Thx @gaby-cbr for the prompt~
I am left with several questions and I roamed from one side to the other of your second half like a fool, reading, and re-reading. Where is Kayla? Who's the deputy and where was he/she in the first part of the story? Where is the truck? Who is Worcester and the Ma'am coordinating the operations? But, more than everything, why all in a sudden we're in a warfare hectic scenario and, last but not least, what is happening?
You know me, I'm just asking with sincerity. Maybe I'm dumb. Reading Calluna's comment made me feel even dumber but I have to write, for intellectual honesty, that I understood almost nothing.
Does the term "jump-cut" ring a bell in your mind? Also, wasn't it not that they were travelling in a truck? Nonetheless, does the term "lassie" ring any bells here as well. I mean, the only other female in the story is Ma'am, but the one driving was Kayla and the one Sheriff Worcester is concerned of a certain lassie who's driving a truck. I mean, I assume it was Kayla driving and not Manny nor Thomas. Even in spite of that, have you ever heard of a thing called "car chases" - I dunno if they exist in the astral plains of the Banana galaxy, but here in the material world of Dr. @theironfelix, this is a common sight in the USA. Where cops plan out way ahead of time traps and ambushes to catch one person, maybe more if lucky. Also, I don't know if your security force does it but, in my material World, it's a universal rule to conduct an investigative perimeter check. Because suspects may just be hiding and the police wants to ensure that isn't the case. I dunno, maybe I've been too caught up with real-life that I walk out as a more horrific beast for being in the vicinity of the Réal. Maybe I've just seen way too many people die in my life to police chases that I simply wanted a story where the police screwed up and they "suspects" got away. I mean, stop taking it beyond the World of the story and just read it as it is; the ending being a shift in the perspective in that of the Police's eyes. Where, upon that, they want to capture someone; however, they fuck up this capture and this event was the tipping point that they can't commit to catching some rouge band of people. Of course, if this was a movie/animation this would make sense; it always would make sense if it was a movie!
This irony was a bit insulting tho. No problem..
You know what, I like to propose a deal: if the story was so fundamentally fucked up, then say so and give me one shot to redeem myself here. I shall make a new ending and you'll have to judge the new ending without one concern with the old one. I won't take long, I will take as long as I did with this one and get it done before the end of night. Just simply say yes or no, nothing else.
FUCK THIS WAITING, I'M CHANGING THE ENTIRE FUCKING ENDING RIGHT NOW! I DON'T CARE IF THIS DISQUALIFIES ME OR PUTS ME INTO LAST PLACE! I'M TOO EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE AND MENTALLY SANE TO KEEP MY HEAD STRAIGHT AND AWAIT A RESPONSE! WANT TO WRITE ME OF, GO FUCKING AHEAD! I'VE BEEN HAVING A SHIT TIME FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, EACH DAY GETTING PROGRESSIVELY WORSE AND WORSE! I'M MAKING SURE THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD KNOWS THAT I, VICTOR, AM FUCKING DONE!
Oh damn. I didn't mean to create this mess sorry. I went to sleep and so I can answer only now. I gave you my sincerity, knowing that probably I was going to receive a nuclear shockwave back. I did it the same because I consider you a friend and, to my friends, I reserve my genuine thoughts. Mine is the pov of a reader that truly wants to understand. I did it as a constructive critic: theoretically, those that make us grow. Once, @dirge in one of his writing asked explicitly: be merciless with me in your comments. That was because he knew that only real opinions can create real feedbacks and make us progress. So yes, I'm running the risk of saying what I think with a clear mind and heart and no hidden thoughts. This is how I like the bananafish. Having said this, I'm so sorry again I wasn't aware of a delicate moment for you (also if I always update myself with your side comments in italics). If I had known I would have avoided..
I guess that’s the shame of the Internet, no one can really know until the obscenity comes about. Nie, I was just pushed over the precipice and I couldn’t hide it anymore.
Mine was a constructive and honest critic. I will repeat it if necessary or maybe there will be praise. I recall so many times where I complimented with you, don't you? So now you know that those compliments were real and not just written to please you. Talking about a story in a critical way, from my side has never meant to be and should never be seen as a personal attack. We're all here to improve. My point is that I want to thank you. This episode between us inspired me for the future about being even more straightforward and critic, instead of superseding with a general kind (but meaningless) comment. At the same time, be reassured that everything I write is written with respect and care for my beloved friends, everyone with their styles and unicity.
Sorry for going postal, I wasn’t lying that I basically went over the edge. I was already flustered with the passions which I couldn’t stir, and I have to still deal with a lot of bs that culminated of which I still have to resolve. This absolutely nothing to do with you nor do I blame you as I stated in the end blurb. So drop the officialness and speak as the Diety as thou art, O Bananafish.
I could care less if thou were professional, I rather care for a sincerity that knows how to be tact while still being critical. After all, people unfortunately live an emotional life and rationality is interdependent with emotions. So please, it angers me more that people retract their statements as I have said a many a times to you. But I cannot take offense to your heartfelt comment here. I just cannot.
(And I haven’t forgotten those comments of praise nor why you made those comments, let me be clear on that. As I must repitituously state, I didn’t take your comment as a personal attack; but it had triggered me nonetheless. And due to such a horrid collection of conscious-unconscious memories and the fact I had to hear one a few days ago to then seeing that comment tipped me over. And the unfortunate lesson that has to be repeated on the Internet is that we can never be too safe, only prepared to clean up post hoc. If I must repeat myself an umpteenth time: I am blaming no one, not even myself. The only thing I apologize is that my cathartic event spilled over to some FTS entries and the Bananafish Discord.)
When the light is running low and the shadows start to grow, and the places that you know seem like fantasy. There's a light inside your soul, that's still shining in the cold, with the truth - the promise in our hearts... Don't forget, I'm with you in the dark.
Ooo a thrilling chase, the cop and his son. There was a great moment when it was hard to tell which side they were really on, catch up watching the chase. The dynamic between manny and thomas is so good, the reaction to his pride is just <3
Left kinda wondering what side he was really on, he died for his incompetence, but was that what it was, or had he let things slide? He put forward an argument for not pulling the rip cord. This in itself is a beautiful touch, the human dilemma of having chosen one side, but deep down, that torn feeling.
and <3 - very much hope that cutie pie bunny of yours was able to catch every one for use in future magics, and gave you plenty of cuddles in return
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments! My ending took away from the car, thus why I pointed to binoculars and the differing speech that would seperate Sheriff Worcester and Manny.
<3 - Crickuna,... Grrr! The bunny’s not... Anyways, please don’t choose a bakery that despises witches. Detected lethal levels of poison on my cookie, surprised the bakery didn’t poisoned yours... Stay safe Crickuna!~
Awww damn, I thought they were one in the same, it was the smoking and the kid. I figured the different speech was picking up on where it said in the first half about manny being different at home. Ohhh so manny and the gang were the ones Worcester was watching! I love that this works on both, I read it as Manny being Manny Worcester, sheriff, who jumped in a truck with Kayla (part of the other side) before taking up his post, and watching her with his son, getting involved like watching horse racing, and having mixed feelings about the sides. You know the old local dude joins the oppressive force to police local area so he can be less bad than they would be. But actually, manny and the gang are the ones our sheriff here is following with his son, and thats a really nice touch, the bringing that dynamic in from both sides. two halves of the same story, each a father and son, only one made it.
And hey! Cute is the most deadly weapon of all ;)
What! Why i'll go back in there and... buy more baked goods cos they taste awesome... but don't worry sweet hell fury, i found you a nice box of sealed newt candy <3
And, we can go back later and raze the place, better cookies down the road anyway, messing with my little ash, like she isn't the most dangerous girl out there...
Yeah, wanted to create a distorted mirror reflection of the father-son pair but on the Old Society side (Remember Eleven-Ninety-Nine? Not needed, but referencing that and Appalachian Grave + Vampire in forest Prompt in FTS.)
Cuteness... Hmph~... Wha-what- Newt! Thx!... Will definitely need it for my potions-n-hexes... Anyways, ready when you are Crickuna!~ They better learn my name, for I am the cruel- coolest girl you’ll ever meet!
Ahhh yeah! Jeez how do you hold all these in your head after the fact. Ahhh i have this image of you with like a giant extra brain in a fishtank where you store all this knowledge!
And and, look, I went to the good bakery for ya ;)
<3 - That’s why I love mystery, gives people to think of something as I chillax with my gasmask, suit, ak74m-n-rum.
Unhappy circumstances led to the happiest of possibilities, another wonderful story to read from you <3
i shall return on my break to truly enjoy this new feast
Marco here... talking about the haiku.
I can notice you somewhat included it in the "Felixverse", citing in the FTS the same "hallelujah" the crowd bestanding the pyre shouted to the sky.
Also, you should feel proud to know your style of haiku is becoming famous between the other participants... the onomatopoeic verse gives a lot of movement and modernity
UwU ~ Thanks, it feels... great to even have an influence on here... thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments. The new ending should be considered, the old as a background element now exposed.
Yes, the new ending should be considered, and the "hallelujah" to which I was referring now is gone... nevertheless the sensation that every thing you write is tied together remains.
The police show up and well it all goes to hell but no worries for them they made it out. Good chase for sure.
I very much enjoyed your new ending, i did love a lot about your original though, but onto this one.
Fast paced and action packed, this is a whirlwind adventure, peppered with bullets, and beautiful touches that really add depth to the characters. Kayla's line about her watch being the only 'purdy' thing <3 you really nail the speech. The trade being left a mystery is a nice relatable element with Thomas, expecting to learn something, and being dragged into a police chase, and i'm sure learning first hand something he'd already heard all about. You add to each of the characters, as well as painting a world they live in. And, they got away! Yey! A lot to manage in so few words!
Thx Crickuna, I might post an extension story on that. But we should focus on QITR and our lil’ co-written stuff (and also co-post your and my poems!~ we should call it: Poems from the Pale) as well.
Doing what I only blindly can do, but ever must I proclaim that I only know nothing! And yes, I do mean with sincerity that this was created in 30 minutes in that bout of rage; probably what finally allowed me to cool down in the rivulets of tears I found myself in. As I said to the @bananafish, this is based on all the stories of car chases and the USA Police Force outright murdering people. I lost and heard a fair great amount of people throughout my life thanks to this dishonorable act of not even having the decency to simply arrest a person, always running and gunning. And so, I choose to confront the Réal that is within me in that bout of rage and produced what I had. To finally make a story where it can be imagined where people can escape a sudden event and get away unscathed; to avoid the mark of the tragedy.
Yet do I ever-appreciate yers, @bananafish’s and everybody else’s comments here. Truly.
Plenty to keep us busy fo'sho' - all such wonderful things <3 <3
In some ways, the stories we tell to give our emotions away can have a lot of power. You can really feel the real is in this one. It isn't something I have experienced personally, but i have had friends over there get caught up in all kinds of trouble, and I know it really is a problem. I was very struck by the joincampaignzero.org slogan - we can live in a world where police don't kill people - that shouldn't be so hard to achieve, and yet it is. It can be done. I stumbled across it through the artist grandson who does a lot through his music to try and emphasis the problem.
The true power of fiction, to forewarn of the dark path we are headed down, and to paint alternatives. - to many more happy endings mój ukochany. It must be much harder having known it yourself <3 - there are things no people should have to face, yet they do - some many times over, no amount of hugs can help, but you shall have them all <3
Plus i can think of much better ways to spend all the money they waste ...
Both pieces, quite dynamic. Your usual energy on display. I love the haiku. I understand the revolutionary fervor of the story... but something in me does not enjoy the graphic description of the decimated body. Of course, that's me, lady of many years and excess sensibility.
As a writer you achieved your goal, and that is the only measure of success.
Very effective writing.
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments! I should've put a Content Warning (CW) for gore, but glad yah managed through it and liked it... thank you... c:
A lot of these stories feature gore... it's OK. I just go in a different direction :) Came of age in the 60s. Still have a thing for 'flower power'.
Well, given 500 more words and I would've hitched in a reference to the "flower power" and '68 revolutions.
🌻🌻🙂