Insults and Sayins of the Old West
howdy folks and greetings from the Great Plains of North Texas!
This is purely a self-indulgent post I must admit. I have no idea if anyone
else would be interested in knowing how people used to insult each other
in the Old West, it's probably just me! Sounds rather juvenile doesn't it?
Nevertheless I AM curious so lets get started on some rude sayings!
callin someone ugly
He was uglier than a new-sheared sheep.
He has teeth so crooked he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
His face was puckered like wet sheepskin before a hot fire.
Her face looks like a dime’s worth of dog meat.
(whoa..that's just cruel! this is what a woman would say about another
woman)
He was ugly as a burnt boot.
He was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.
He looked like the hindquarters of bad luck.
His lip hangs down like a blacksmith’s apron.
She’s so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
(I don't know what a gut-wagon is and I don't want to know!)
He looks so bad his ears flop.
She’s so ugly, she’d make a freight train take a dirt road!
(those women were so mean to each other!)
He’s as ugly as homemade sin.
She’s so ugly she could bluff a buzzard off a meat wagon.
callin someone stupid
His brain cavity wouldn’t make a drinkin’ cup for a canary.
He couldn’t teach a hen to cluck.
He knows as much about it as a hog does a hip pocket in a bathing suit.
(does this make sense?)
His knife’s so dull it wouldn’t cut hot butter.
He don’t know dung from wild honey.
If all his brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow his nose.
He couldn’t cut a lame cow from a shade tree.
He couldn’t track an elephant in snow.
He was so dumb he couldn’t drive nails in a snowbank.
He’s as dull as dishwater.
He don’t know any more about it than a hog does a sidesaddle.
He is plumb weak North of his ears.
He can’t tell skunks from house cats.
He had a ten dollar Stetson on a five-cent head.
His family tree was a shrub.
(ha! a redneck joke!)
He couldn’t track a bed-wagon through a bog hole.
He didn’t have nuthin’ under his hat but hair.
He couldn’t hit the ground with his hat in three throws.
He was as shy of brains as a terrapin is of feathers.
here's a Terrapin:
usgs.gov
He can’t tell skunks for house cats.
callin someone lazy
He’s as slow as molasses in January.
He’s too lazy to yell “Sueee” in a pig pen.
He moves as slow as a crippled turtle.
He’s so lazy, molasses wouldn’t run down his legs.
misc insults
He didn’t have manners enough to carry guts to a bear.
He couldn’t hit a bull’s rump with a handful of banjos.
He was as drunk as a fiddler’s clerk.
(apparently fiddler's have clerks and they're drunk all the time!)
She’s as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
His mustache smelled like a mildewed saddle blanket after it had been
rid on a soreback hoss three hundred miles in August.
It was so dry the bushes followed the dogs around.
(what?)
Well that's it for today folks, I hope you found this a bit entertaining.
Is it my imagination or were they more colorful when they insulted
someone back then? Now it's just f you or you suck! lol. They truly
had expressions for everything!
God bless you all!
-jonboy Texas
the gentleman redneck
ps- ya know, you might just be a redneck if:
you think that Spam on a saltine cracker is an hors d'ouerve!
No way @janton,
This is totally rich. I loved this and it really rings as humorous. This would help a lot in writing a Wild West play. All I know are a few lines from Yosemite Sam:
“Say yer prayers ya long eared galoot!”
“The first dang Yankee that steps out of that dugout, gets his head blasted off!”
“Yeah, Yosemite Sam … The roughest, toughest, he-man stuffest hombre’ is ever crossed the Rio Grande”
“Now get that flea-bitten carcass off’n my real estate!”
And of that big rooster Forghorn Leghorn
“Boy’s gotta mouth like a cannon, always shootin’ it off”
“That dog, I say that dog’s strictly GI – gibberin idiot that is”
“Gal reminds me of a highway between Forth Worth and Dallas – no curves”
lol! oh man this stuff is killer! I'd forgotten all about these characters, Foghorn Leghorn used to be my favorite. And that last line about the gal and the highway...oh man I had to stop everything when I read that one.
thanks so much mineopoly, if anyone else sees this they're gonna be rolling. God bless you sir!
These crack me up. People were not as serious as the old photos show. @ironshield
howdy there @ironshield! yes this kind of puts a more human, relateable face on our earlier citizens. I'm glad you liked them, I knew a couple of them but most were new to me.
PayPal Steal From The Dead
PayPal wrote that dying violates the terms of service:
I've only heard a couple of these before. They sure did have a way of saying things, though. Now, we're much more blunt and crude I would say. I think part of the fun of it is trying to figure out if it is an insult or not. I'm sure they people they were referring to as stupid, if they truly were, would have to think about was said for a while before they could react. :)
Oh, well. I suppose it's inevitable that all of these sayings and much more would all go by the way as people supposedly got more sophisticated. Or impatient. Or full of self-importance. Losing all horse sense. I don't consider that to be an improvement.
losing all horse sense! spoken like a true cowboy, horses have more snes than people in some respects.
I love the thought you have about stupid people having to try and figure out what was being said to them! lol.
I understand horses like to avoid things like raging rivers and going over cliffs, which some of their riders don't seem to be as concerned about. Or walking into the den of a bear or across the path of a coyote or mountain lion. I understand they're pretty adverse to bullets, fire and explosions, too. :)
Since you've seen the Guardians of the Galaxy, I imagine the stupid trying to figure out things might go something like this :
lol! I love those Guardian movies! I think I told you my wife has a problem with these comic book hero movies but she really likes those guys!
perfect illustration of your point!
The second Guardian movie was a little less interesting...but I still watched it.
:DI think there were probably two main issues with the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. No definitive villain for most of the movie, though you suspected something was off with StarLord's Dad, and more so when Mantis got a chance to say something, and the humor was forced. Having so much be about the Ravagers and Yondu was fine, it just didn't help there to be a bad guy you were rooting against.
As it is, making StarLord's Dad Ego the Living Planet wasn't really the best of choices, in my opinion. :)
well well well... not only is mr. Glen a novelist and comic book author he's also a professional critic! lol. your points are spot on sir but I DID enjoy seeing Kurt Russell in such a substantial role because I think he isn't popular in most of Hollywood because of his conservatism, is that accurate?
I guess I wasn't fully aware that Kurt Russell was conservative. He seems to pop up in different places, though, like a recurring role in the last few Fast and Furious movies as Mr. Nobody. Looks like things have been picking up more for him with films over the last five years, I just haven't seen most of them. He had a drought where he wasn't in any movies for about four years it looks like.
But he's been around for a very long time, longer than most, and he's only in his late 60s, so he could be around for quite a while longer. Just not likely in as many leading roles as we're used to seeing.
I can be a movie critic. I'm a little bit different in that I suspend reality rather quickly, so I'm not worrying so much about the plausibility of certain actions or events as I am whether or not it all makes sense within the context of the characters and the world that's been created. I also tend to pay particular attention to endings, because more times than not, they're just bad. :)
Comic book movies are probably my specialty though, so I usually have much more to say about them than others. Especially Marvel, since I came to age with those comic books. The Guardians, at least this group, is very new, so I don't know anything about them other than I don't think all of them are unintentionally funny in the comic book series. I think Starlord and maybe Rocket are the only two that usually have the comedy. The rest are much to stoic. I'd have to read the comics before the movies to see what they did with them, but that's typical for Marvel to do.
I agree, the plot was a disappointment, and the villain was a shadow compared to the first one. The reason for taking over the universe was boring, and weak.
They need to hire a writer!
:(question is: is smithlabs available?
yes sir I still thought it was highly entertaining though and that big guy without a shirt, can't remember what his characters' name was but I think his real name is John Batista or something like that, anyway he reminds me of you so that 's even more entertaining.
Well, I guess I will have to be more literal...so things don't go over my head, LOL!
:)yeah don't let nothing go over your head, that could be embarrassing!
I thought a lot of these were good. This would have made a history lesson fun in school. Oh well. I hope kids see your posts.... cuz they ain't doin this kinda book learnin' in school.
lol! I suppose this stuff would be way offensive to public school faculty wouldn't it? hey but it's true history. thanks so much squirrelbait!
Hi Janton. You are quite right it is a lot easier today. They used sentences and we just use a couple of words now.
I guess our words cover more territory! lol
do you have a favorite?
thank you sir!
Some of those insults I've actually heard before. I guess they were able to survive. I don't hear them often though.
I don't eat Spam. I do eat saltine crackers sometimes, but not often.
rats! foiled like usual. just wait though one is coming that will prove something.
I think you'll probably be able to get me with one eventually, but I think that the evidence thus far has shown that although I may eventually have something that I do that rednecks also do, I'm not a redneck. Still curious to see what you'll come up with.
famous last words Blondie, famous last words. some rednecks are brilliant geniuses and are in all walks of life, although not as typical.
thanks so much for commenting, not bad for a non-redneck.
Hey, Phil Robertson was smart. He has a Master's Degree in education, I think. He patented the duck call he made and they're making a lot of money off it. He's a self-proclaimed redneck. I don't think he and I would hang out much though. His approach to some things is very different than mine. :D
you mean like shootin things for dinner? lol. yes sir thanks for reminding me, did you ever watch their show? I watched it quite a bit until Mrs. J got steamed at me, she was totally bored with it and thought it was stupid.
but yeah those guys are the ULTIMATE REDNECKS!
rich rednecks.
Yeah, that sort of thing. My dinner normally comes from the store.
They have a lot of crazy antics. I started realizing more and more of it was scripted later in the show. That's alright though, it was still entertaining. My wife likes it so I don't have to worry about that. Sorry you weren't able to finish it. Maybe your wife will like it better now if you try again!
Rich rednecks. That's it!
uh no..my wife wouldn't like it ever no matter what but that's okay. I could probably watch it online somewhere.
I was talking to one guy and he said that one of the few people he had ever dealt with who was smarter than him and he couldn't keep up with mentally(he's at genius level himself) is a redneck! lol some type of physicist or something. but country livin redneck that you'd never know how smart he was. anyway sorry, that has nothing to do with anything.
I like dinner from the store in some forms and from some stores.
thank you sir!
Some of these are pretty crude...but the definition of started out as a horse-drawn cart that collected animal guts and assorted odds and ends from the local butchers. What they did with it, I really don't want to know. But today the gut wagon has taken on a new meaning, sort of. It is what the lunch truck is called that goes around to industrial job sites and sells expired sandwiches to grubby workers.
cecicastor! thanks so much..so the modern Lunch Truck is called a gut wagon! lol. expired sandwiches... sounds yummy. and nutritious! I guess it MAY be better than nothing?
In Canada, some of the old train lines serve this kind of hard and outdated food. Come to think of it, I have been on airlines that serve the same garbage...
really? oh my..well I don't travel much but I reckon there are advantages in that also.
but you still have to pay a pretty penny don't you?
Yes, you do! On airlines today, you fly economy you pay exrta for the dood. If you fly business class or first class it is extra hidden in the cost of your ticket. No free rides..
yes Ma'am you are so right!
Well my friend, they still have gut wagons, they are just industrial sized ones. Meat processing plants for Chicken, Beef, etc. still have a need to get rid of the miscellaneous parts and pieces that they can't turn into hotdogs, Spam, etc.
lol, back when I worked construction they were either the gut wagon, the roach-coach, or burrito-mobile. There were some other more colorful names that I won't mention here as well.
We have meat wagons too. That is what we call the 40-year-old ambulances...lol
oh my! that sounds about right for your country unfortunately.
howdy back @coinsandchains! so I wonder what the meat processing plants did with the leftovers? burn them or bury them? I have no idea. ha. I like some of those creative names you mentioned! thanks for commenting!
I can help you on one part.
The bushes were hoping for 'water' from the dogs because of the dry conditions....
:)howdy today @smithlabs! oh..now that makes sense. yes..thank you sir!
I was just amused by the mental picture of a bush, chasing a dog.
:Dthat IS funny!
I thought so too, LOL!
♡♡♡HAHA..some really good ones!!!
thank you sir @simms50..it would be interesting to use some of these on people and see what they're reactions would be! well we don't really do that but maybe if we were teasing someone, then watch their reactions.
thank you sir!