Authentic you matters

Each person is unique. It is a cliche, yet also true.

It is true because there is no one quite like anyone else. Even identical twins have minute differentiation at the genetic level and environmental factors and personal choices further move one from the other. But unique does not mean dissimilar. The differences between us are far outweighed by the similarities that unite us and when it comes to the conflict that arises, much of it is probably down to the narcissism of small differences.

A lot of our social interaction depends on finding similarities. Rapport building is often approached through finding common interests and mirroring behaviours so as to feel somewhat familiar to the other person. The probable evolutionary concept is to signal that 'I am not a threat, I am like you, trust me'. Of course, understanding this opens up a new set of problems.

Knowing how this system works means that it becomes quite easy to game it. For illustration purposes it may be easier to think of humans as sets of computers. Each are running an OS but there may be platform differences, version variation and program range, different upgrade and update statuses etc. Some, may have large amounts of information on the hard-drive, some may have hardware conflicts and others viruses that corrupt sectors or can crash the system completely. Some are already slaves to a botnet.

Now, there are many different access points and vulnerabilities and to a capable user, gaining access to core processes may be relatively simple. It is about signalling to the computer that there is no threat. Gaining trust. For humans, these trust signals are learnable and repeatable and can be used to gain trust even if the source is untrustworthy. Conmen are masters of this of course. As are mentalists and magicians, sales people and well.... all of us.

Okay, we are not all masters but we do use these techniques to the best of our ability to manipulate those around us. Ever been on a first date? I have to ask this these days as I think a first date for some may be swiping left or right on an app. But for those that have, the next question is: Did you lie? Did you present a version of yourself that put you in a light that may not be truly representative? Did you say that you liked a band that you actually despise? Did you say how much you love cats, yet are deathly allergic? What did you wear? Pushup? Spanx?

This is not a judgement but just reminding that we all try to manipulate others in order to get what we want. Perhaps a second date, perhaps a sale, perhaps a good opinion of ourselves in another's eyes. We play on the evolutionary attraction of similarity in order to circumvent the virus checkers. It is not necessarily nefarious but it is not necessarily not.

There is a risk in this though because being on a first date is one thing, trying to live 70 years together is another. How long before we slip and our true self comes out like Ben Stiller's guest role on Friends? This misrepresentation at the beginning can hold for months or years and perhaps is benefited by the sunk cost fallacy where after a marriage, mortgage, a child or two, the investment is so high and so long that it is just too much write-off to quit. So two people can live unhappily ever after out of convenience.

'Love' relationships are one thing (is it true love if honesty isn't present) yet this continues into all of our relationships. We present the picture we want the world to see and gain support based on what we have signalled. Social media is of course littered with this but so to are other forms of media. Each article is crafted in order to get past our defences and infiltrate our minds. Does that sound alarmist? It is not always a bad thing. If a mental virus is preventing clear thinking or good results, a little mental defrag going on in the background processes may help remove some bad sectors.

As an example, from a Steemit community perspective, many people are trying to gain followers and just like what is posted, quality over quantity may be the best approach. Trying to attract followers that are not actually interested in or like what you post may be a short-term win but a long-term drain and the fastest way to gain these types is to misrepresent yourself.

Plus, in gaining these types one may have to compromise on who they are and in so doing, a conflict is created. It may not be enjoyable in the long-run to continually have to keep up appearances as someone you are not. And, as inevitably it will, your real self will eventually break through as your content dwindles and will power falters and your followers, partner, colleagues will say 'You have changed' and because they have accepted what you had previously presented, this regression to the mean is unlikely to be seen in a positive light. After all, you have 'lied' to them in order to gain their trust and benefit from the relationship.

Being your authentic self doesn't mean not improving your processes and skillset. It just means that in each moment, you represent yourself honestly. If you are a horrible person, you'd be surprised at how many people will stand with you. If you are into freaky Hentai, fine, so is half of Tokyo. There is a niche for everyone because as unique as you are, there are multiple overlaps with a multitude of people and the beauty of the world today is that they aren't too hard to connect with. And worse than having friends, partners and followers that you have tricked into following you, is having to spend time with them pretending to be interested in what they THINK you are interested in.

It is of course good to widen perspectives by spending time with various sets of people regardless of the overlap or lack thereof. This is actually something I enjoy a lot. And it is also good to spread ideas across multiple nodes as this can create a lot of value. However, there is also value in deepening understanding in areas that one finds enjoyable and interesting already. To test skills with like minds and bodies as the case may be. To connect over a loved hobby or genre.

And being able to manipulate is one thing, being manipulated is another. I think we have all been manipulated at some point. All had our code compromised. Sometimes we have been damaged by this, sometimes benefited. It is good to know that we have vulnerabilities though and sometimes it may be useful to show them. Other times, it may not be. Being blind to them means that choice is taken away.

There are of course many caveats and exceptions not mentioned and many parts of this could have much more detail and depth added which I might do at some point.

Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing:
Not everyone is going to like authentic you. And that is okay.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]