Social media & kids - a scary mix!
Hi all,
It's time to go a little deeper again, and it's Sunday, so a perfect day to reflect on things.
Yesterday's drama resulting from another Steemit user's comment made me think a lot about how to approach my future child's relationship with social media, a topic which is on my mind quite often in this era of constant self-inflicted internet spotlight. I'm not naming her here to avoid "tagging" her, but if you want to check out the full drama, the original post can be found here. Make sure to bring your popcorn while reading the comment section lol.
For those too lazy to browse through, I'll explain it briefly. Her account is a mother-daughter joint account, the daughter in question being 11. In this Bernie post in which he asks what people are currently doing, she published a photo of her naked legs in a bath tub. While the picture is not vulgar per se, it is very suggestive in a sexual manner. People lost their shit over it because it is very confusing! Whose legs are these? Hers or her daughters? Maybe the confusion was meant to be...who knows.
If they are hers, why show them on a joint Twitter account which has her daughter's face as profile pic?
You see the issue here. There are so many perverts in this world, and the comments under the pic on Twitter (and some on Steemit) aren't so harmless either.
Here you can see how it gets totally confusing. The guy compliments the 11 year old, yet the mom answers. A guy complimenting an 11 year old like that should probably not be taken that lightly, and personally, it creeps me out!
There were other comments that sent chills down my spine. Some other perv on Twitter even says I want a relation with you to which she rersponds oh you so silly, acting as if the compliment was meant for the mom, but actually directed to the daughter.
...._Silly? If that was my daughter he's talking about I would hunt him down and beat the shit out of him silly!
I totally understand people's outrage about this young teen's vulnerability on the internet, and since motherhood is only 3 months away for me, I have to seriously make a plan of how I want to approach my own son's relationship with social media. Some may say you still have a lot of time for that, but I disagree!
Kids don't really get to decide whether they WANT to be on social media, nor do they understand the consequences of it. We may find it harmless to publish cute mom and daughter baby pictures on Facebook or Instagram, but again...
Are we providing material for pervs, who, from the safety of their home can get off on viewing your naked child on the beach?
Do we really want to make sure that facial recognition programs can have access to our kids' data, as early as since the day they were born?
One of my closest friends found a nice middle ground. She's a photographer and posts quite a lot of pictures of her and her now 8 year old son, however, she makes sure that his face is never fully visible. He's always either taken from the back side, or from an angle which hides his facial features. It's so subtle that you wouldn't even notice it unless she told you. I admit I really like this approach, because of course nowadays every parent likes to share what their doing online to some extent, and I'm no exception. I may adopt this approach as well.
Other moms I know are so proud of their progeniture that they post pictures of their babies / toddlers every single day. I understand the temptation, and I'm sure I will also have a hey look what I've produced type of urge once my son is born, but again, I'm wondering how potentially dangerous this could be.
I believe that I have to respect my son's anonymity, at least until he's old enough to decide what he wants to do with it. Surely once he's in highschool, he will have his own Facebook and Instagram page (a thought which already makes me sick!), but until then, embarrassing baby pics which may lead to bullying along the way, or worse, should not be available to the public without his consent.
I also don't want to teach my son that selfie cult so many kids (and adults!) are a part of nowadays. I'm actually glad that I don't have a daughter (no offense to all of you parents with daughters!), but I would hate to having to explain why making duck faces and using "cute" or "sexy" filters which make you look older by adding makeup and deform your features will not actually help you be more popular in reallife. Of course, I actually face the opposite challenge. I have to raise a man who will respect women, and who will not take advantage of an online-attention seeking adolescent.
Gosh, being a parent is really not easy, is it?
What's your take on this?
Should young children be featured on social media?
That mother-daughter account is unnecessarily confusing – why not just make a dedicated account for the daughter where she can shadow write, something like what @tarazkp does with his daughter on the @smallsteps account.
But whether kids and their identity should or shouldn't be posted on social media is in an awfully grey area, but the middle ground idea of not showing kids' faces seems like a reasonable line to take.
Don't be so sure... 15 years in the digital era is a long time and a lot can change – Facebook as we know it might not even exist then. But even if it did, don't forget that you and @el-cr are both Steemians and surely can pass your heritage to bring up a good second-generation Steemian ;)
This is a legit concern, because social media seems to have more negative effects on girls, because boy-violence more often tends to be physical, whereas violence by girls tends to be indirect: social exclusion, etc. which is possible to practice in social media. I learned this from some Joe Rogan podcast, and it was quite alarming, because I also learned that the suicidal tendencies of under 15-year-olds has grown enormously with increased social media use – the phenomena of suicidal tendencies of young children was non-existent before social media.
@smallsteps is a baby book only, not a pre-teen book. At some point, it will be retired.
In Finland schools are pressing parents for children to have a Facebook page so they can push homework and updates through it. That is nonsense. When it comes to identity, people share images of their children across private accounts and it is not like they are actually so private, as we have found out.
When it comes to having a girl, this is the reason one has to make sure they are actually prepared for the world they are going to enter, not shelter them from it so they are unable to recognise the various threats. One of the current issues in this environment is that so many children have been protected that they no longer can identify a credible threat from a friendly face. My daughter is going to know the difference. She herself however is yet to have any screen time at all and she will live an analogue life for as long as possible where she can learn the reality of situations and people.
Right, it was just the closest thing to pop up in my mind :)
Really? That is probably the biggest bullshit I've heard in a while. When I was in school we had this software called Wilma through which all the necessary messaging and information considering school was delivered, so I don't understand why Facebook has to be mixed into that in anyway.
Yeah, there's only so much one can be protected from the environment until becoming an adult.
A client of mine told me about it two weeks ago. Wilma is also the place where parents complain about good teachers because the teachers are forced to discipline children that aren't taught how to behave at home.
People have become emotionally and psychologically soft, hurt by any perceived slight against them.
Ironic, parents whining to teachers who are actually doing their job.
Oh my, using Facebookto push homework sounds awful, and a huge invasion of privacy in my opinion! Then why not create a whatsapp group or something a little less visual...
It's great that you are going to educate yoru daughter about the risks, that's exactly the right wayto go about it in my opinion.
But also from experience, even when you're taught the risks, you don't always recognize them in the moment.
very valid points! And yes, definitely creating a 2nd generation Steemian =)
This is exactly what scares me about kids on social media...the body image issue, the online bullying, and like you say, I think it happens more with girls (I don't know the stats, but girls can be very mean to eachother!).
I have been bullied myself as a kid by other girls, and I imagine that if social media had existed back then, it would have been much worse...
This is a great topic which hits a lot of nerves.
For the most part I think its harmless.. posting family holiday snaps for example.
Personally I wouldn't post any pics of my kids online other than maybe as part of a family profile picture or the occassional formal update at Xmas or something.
I can't see any benefit to them of constant posting of their pictures. However if they wanted to post on their own account I'd be fine with that after a bit of schooling in digital literacy.
NB for a lot of parents their kids are their only source of identity thus many will be posting pics of them for their own benefit, not their kids' benefit.
However you'll probably just get screamed at if you explain that to them.
NB I don't have any kids!
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"However if they wanted to post on their own account I'd be fine with that after a bit of schooling in digital literacy." That is exactly how I woudl approach things too, once they are old enough to understand (not sure,maybe age 15 or 16)...and I agree lots of parents post for their own sake, notfor the sake of their children =)
And yes, family portraits are probably harmless, unless you want to trace of your kid online whatsoever...
They could want to start posting much younger than that! 12/13, even younger?
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lol hopefully not lol...
I find this disturbing as well, and I don't particularly buy the rationale behind the actions. The blurry line, the confusing elements of this, seemed and seem convenient.
yes I agree...her intentions were extremely dubious...But it does raise an important question about even when you do everything "right", you are still exposing your kids to potential risks online...
Risk is part of existing. It's important we understand, specially when raising young, that life is about risk, while at the same time working to reducing it as much as pragmatism allows.
There is a reason why we have normative rules, even legislation. It's for lack of better words "crowd wisdom" or best practices. We are participating of an evolving society with new communication outlets and this of course opens the doors to new risks. But, we can't claim ignorance when the risks are so widely discussed.
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yes, you raise an important point =) You can't protect them from everything, that's for sure....I guess what we have to teach is common sense, which is not easy...common sense is the least common of senses lol. I also don't want to become an overly protective parent, but I think whatscares me the most in terms of raising kids nowadays is the internet. It's funny because atthe same time it allows them tolearn so much, so I'll have to find a balance =) Thanks for weighing in on the issue @meno!
I am not a mother, but as an auntie of a niece it curdles my blood to think of my sweet little girl being taken advantage of in any way. I know there have always been creeps out there throughout the course of time who will harm the innocent, but in this digital day and age it is so much easier to do so. As a parent it is your duty to protect your underage children, in person and online. I'm not saying you have to shelter your child from everything, as that can have consequences, too. But as you said, you need to think not just about the possible harm from others but infringing upon their own wants, as well. There are times my niece is being so darn cute that I want to document it, but if she tells me not to take a picture I respect that. Lord knows there are plenty of times I'm looking like a hot mess and don't want photographic evidence, haha.
I'm sure you'll do just fine, mama bear. There's a lot of tough issues to navigate, but so many more joys, as well. :)
LOL it's tricky =) And even when they say "yes", do they reallyunderstand what that means? I personally ask the parents if I'm allowed to post, and hope my friends will ask me too =)
I try to do the same. Since my IG account is public, I never post my niece's face on there. It's crazy because you even have to worry about sharing the school that they go to or other activities that may pinpoint where they are at different times.
Oh wow, I went to see the convo and the mommy-daughter account and I’m disgusted. The hormones in our food and water has made kids not even look like kids and that for sure is causing confusion, especially when the mom is making no effort to keep her child as a child.
You’ll do good with your son because you are already thinking ahead of time and he has two level headed parents!
Well, with an instagram filter....
Yeah that might have some effect for sure.
Eve I'm so glad to see you =)
Yeah I agree nowadays 11 year olds can look like 15 year olds and older, it's super scary...especially if you bank on that to attract views. I hope I won't be overly protective ahahah, but I'll try to keep my fearsin check =)
It’s been too quiet in here and I smelled drama so I came running 😝
Ugh - yes :-/ I just commented here what I think of this 'case': https://steemit.com/blog/@llfarms/psa-warning-dear-men-of-steem-that-photo-of-the-hot-chick-might-just-be-a-10yr-old-kid#@soyrosa/re-llfarms-psa-warning-dear-men-of-steem-that-photo-of-the-hot-chick-might-just-be-a-10yr-old-kid-20190303t232944437z
I very much respect parents who said 'I'm not posting pics of my kid because they can't give consent and who knows what the world looks like in 10-20 years? What is the impact of having your face online from a young age if we end up in some sort of dystopian era where your face is followed everywhere for 'good' or bad reasons?'
It's up to everyone and I'm also enjoying the pics I see of my niece on Instagram, so I'm not a fanatic, but I love parents who at least put some thought in it and make a decision that works for them.
The 'case' mentioned before though is a clear 'no' for me though.
I just saw your comment there, and totally agree with you! It's sad in a way that sharing pictures of your child with your friends and family is quite dangerous these days, and that we have to think about the negative all the time. It would be nice to live in a carefree world, but unfortunately that's our reality right now.. For me it will be an internal battle of wanting to post and then not doing it because of the reasons mentioned above....oh well, it is what it is...my parents also couldn't share anything online and they were fine LOL
Thanks for stopping by girl, big hugs!!!!
:D The internal battle will be real! I honestly see less harm in posting pics on the blockchain than on Facebook, where I don't trust the 'algorithms' and feel you can really hurt someone by posting their pic. Here - I don't know, there's no evil company behind this place. But on the other hand it's hard to predict where technology will go and how data we put on here will be maybe used? At some point? Maybe a real 'baby' pic is okay, but once the baby gets a real face (recognizable by software) we should be more careful? Curious to learn what you'll decide and what feels right :-) I make no judgements, am just exploring these ideas and would not know what I'd do if I were to become a mother.
HUGS!
ahaha no worries, I don't even know yet what I'll do...I guess I will decide in teh spur of the moment =) But I love your imput!!!
Shit sounds creepy AF..complimenting 11years old...buut what's the weirdest thing to me is the mum answering :D but also, that kiddo shouldnt post that pic in the first place as well...but I mean...they see it on insta and all the stupid praised "celebs" post this stuff sooo what we expect from them? No wonder really..
Hahah loved the "silly" rant/explosion :D
Oh and last but not least...what are you doing guys, I'm chilling and getting ready to go out and meet some people :)
Hot enough?
AHAHAHAAH dude you gotta shave those legs before posting them, that's social media rule numbr 1 LOL
But just FYI, it's the mom who's posting, not the kid. The mom is using her child's pic as the profile picture, but she does all the posting and commenting, which is why grown men get confused...
ohhh ok, I was actually thinking that those legs don't really look like 11year old legs :D....anyway, weird topic...
Oh and last but not least, don't hate on my hairy legs lol :D
LOL your photo cracked me up. We should start a leg challenge...a "what are you doing in this moment? Let your legs show us"...maybe it would go viral LOL
HAHAHA bro... you made my day with this comment LOL your legs look even better than hers.
I've had my dealings with this person previously just after New Year's Eve. It wasn't the start to the new year that I had hoped for. Things went from bad to worse as she started accusing me of spying for another Steem user. I asked the other Steem user what it was about and she had no idea. I refuse to be classed as a villain when I have done nothing wrong, so I unfollowed her and muted her. It meant that I had to avoid DTube for over a month as well.
But this is entirely another issue. You should protect your kids online. It's just common sense.
I thought they were funny at first, but now... I just feel bad for them.
lol I had my own dealings with her too...in her case it's all a little weird and over the top, but I agree that in general parents have to make sure their kids are protected online. But as Meno said, it's a fine line, because you can't also shield your kids from everything...hard to find a balance =) thanks for reading!
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