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▶️ DTube
▶️ IPFS

"DON'T JUDGE ME!" is often the hysterical cry of teenage girls in the classroom, whether it's when they give you an essay or have to do an oral presentation. I reassure them, tell them that they don't judge others or wish ill of others, so the likelihood of them being judged is pretty low. This is partly right - most of us are willing others to succeed and do well, but damn, teenagers are harsh. They're the judgiest of them all - no wonder they're terrified about being judged themselves!

As I say in my Dtube (don't judge me!) it's fine to make snap judgements of others - we do it all the time. See a painfully drunk guy in the bar being belligerent, and you probably want to avoid interacting. Observe a colleague being bitchy, and yeah, you might not want to go there. There is a great deal of value in being judgemental, because it helps protect and preserve our physical safety as well as the safety of our minds and souls. I have reached an age where I can make snap judgements about people and decided whether or not to get involved on the basis of it might not be good for me to do so, and might not help them at all.

Image Source

How must it feel to be judged by the colour of your skin? This campaign attempted to get Australians to empathise with the negative effects of discrimination upon indigenous Australians. Often, we're so busy thinking about ourselves that we don't stop and think about how damaging our actions and words that are based on our snap judgements might have on others

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Judgements tend to go waaaay beyond the 'snap' assessment and permeate society. In indigenous Australia, high degrees of discrimination make them feel as if they're less likely to succeed, and leads to a plethora of mental health issues. We see these examples the world over. Whether you're white, black, old, skinny, a woman or a youth, you're bound to have suffered the effects of feeling judged, and that feels pretty terrible. Everyone wants to be seen, heard and valued, and to feel you have to hide an essential part of who you are lest you are judged, or you can't because your physical appearance is what it is, feels absolutely rotten.

When I was 15 or so, I was bullied pretty badly, and I still can't think of that time without feeling really ill. Sometimes, it comes back in my dreams, and we're talking over 30 years ago now. This cruel and vicious exclusionary behaviour by teenager girls shaped how I felt about myself, and whilst I've had moments of confidence in my life too, for the most part, I've felt shame about who I am and felt the need to cover it up with a facade that really necessitated ME having to be judgemental. Again, this is a survival mechanism - if I could assess how others behaved, maybe I could change part of myself so that I would fit in and belong, and feel loved. Tragic, right? Once you get stuck in that loop, you start to fear judgement pretty badly, and avoid situations that might involve rejection. Whilst rejection is part of life, that's not how it appears to someone who's been damaged by the pain of being judged just for being who they are. It takes awhile to climb out of that quagmire and sometimes you get stuck in patterns that are limiting.

Hence, me slightly freaking out about showing my face on Dtube. I've made some pretty cool friendships here that I treasure, and to me, there's something inherently risky about showing my face and worrying I'll be unloved. I know it's not rational - when I type it out, I sound a little crazy, but I think we all go through that fear because we have all experienced this feeling of being ostracized or left out or isolated or alone. @eco-alex's posting of the @ecotrain question of the week seems so timely to me because it's forcing me to look at why I'm so scared of revealing myself in this way.

The question is:

Why do people judge each other? Is there any value in it?

I think what I say above, and in the Dtube, is clear - there's only value when you need to protect yourself, but for the most part, judgement hurts.

I think we need to be vigilant about the judgements we make, and constantly enquire where they came from, and if there is any real worth to them or indeed any truth. We must ask:

• Have I been manipulated by a story told to me by others?
• Is this the only truth I know about this person or group of people?
• What might be the extenuating circumstances that have caused this person to act or behave in a way that makes me judge them superficially?
• How might I dig deeper by reaching out and asking questions?
• How might my words or actions - or, what I don't do - impact on the other person?

Once we start doing this, we start practicing compassion, that ability to care for others and what they're going through. We can look beyond the superficial layers and find gold. We can also really prevent suffering too - just as we need to be seen and heard and loved, so do others. Think about those suicides that could have been prevented if only someone had asked: are you really okay? how are you coping? Think about the people you could have known, had connected with, if only you weren't making those assessments that stopped you going any further or any deeper.

And the real magic can happen too - if we aren't judging others in this way, it stands to reason that we can look beyond the layers of our own identities, peel them away to find the real value within our own selves, and begin a journey to a place of better self worth, self esteem and happiness.

That's the path I'm on anyway - trying to flip it around to treat myself a little more kindly, judge myself a little less. To see beyond the superficial layers and appreciate and value the real heart in me - all that love and compassion I have counts for far, far more than any snap judgements others might make about me, or the criticisms I have for my perceived failures.

I also know we can't live our lives worrying about rejection because that's just as part of life as light is to darkness. And often rejection or certain judgements can be useful, as they inform where to go next. My favourite quote of the last few years is: 'We aren't rejected, we are just re-directed'. Those kind of judgements can be useful in our development and growth. We can't expect to please everyone - that's just the way it goes. But I certainly won't waste any more energy on worrying about it, so Dtube, here I come!

Maybe.

Eek.

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This is a response to the @ecoTrain question of the week contest in collaboration with TribeVibes & 1UP! Join us by answering this question with a great incentive of 100,000 1UP tokens being shared and airdropped to the winners! You can find more information here

Also, thanks to @nathanmars who kinda pushed me into doing this, though I didn't manage to keep it at a 'snap' at one minute - is it a d snap plus plus? Lol.

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