Soar into the heavens
Fly away
Fly away
From this earth, you were taken
Leaving the bonds of life
You loved
Behind
My brother died last week.
Released from the bonds of life, leaving a stream of grief in his wake. I can honestly say that it has been hard grasping this nightmare. He was too young. He was too vibrant. He was too… everything. He was so much my brother. Who knew he would not be mine to keep? I cannot even begin to tell you what it feels like to get that call, and why does it always come in the middle of the night?
The hospital called me at 2 am, because I was his person. Me, who was far and away, on the island of Bonaire. Me, who had been essentially inaccessible for weeks, but, was able to be reached that night. I sat in the dark, listening to the voice, saying those words, not being able to breathe, afraid to talk. Afraid it was real.
I have six brothers. They are crusaders. Their circle of love winds around my heart, unconditional and true; they are always here for me, no matter where I live on this globe. He was, indeed, my special person. The one I call, the one who comes without being asked.
There was a celebration of life for him, in one of his most favorite places on earth, Key West. It touched my soul that over 300 friends made their way to this place that meant so much to him. So much outpouring of friendship and love, forged over the years. I was so happy to see he had such a wonderful life, yet sad it was all over.
Melancholy hangs over me, the scent in the air, distinct.
Oh, my heart.
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Don't ever forget what a wonderful world we live in, people. Let's hold hands around the globe and make this earth really spin. Some days, it is not as easy to see, so we must try harder to give everyone the proper focus.
Later that night
I held an atlas in my lap
Ran my fingers across the whole world
And whispered,
"Where does it hurt?"
It answered,
"Everywhere"
"Everywhere"
"Everywhere"
I am soo saddened. This especially stings because I realize just how close you are to your siblings. My heart breaks for you and your loss. I am certainly not going to say I know how you feel. But I have felt the sting of death very close. In every instance there is a hole left that cannot ever be filled, as it should be. Those special someones leave a larger hole. Yet the good memories and stories help to ever so slightly ease the pain. You know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
It is especially hard right now because I was away and had to make my way home, well, his home anyway. It is that middle of the night call that we all dread.
I am at a loss without him right now, I cannot believe he is gone. The fact that there were six of them and they are all like this makes my heart even sadder at losing part of the team.
Thank you for your love and support. It means a lot to me.
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Well you have cared and helped so many, it is just right for us to want to support you. It will not be easy, but I know you will do what needs to be done. And you will do it well. Big hugs.
Well if I have a choice I don't want to do any of this.
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Oh dear! I am so sorry, Denise. All my thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of your family. I am so sorry for your loss. Getting 300 people to Key West! He must have been an amazing man. Hold your memories close and know that everyone you touch is better off. {{{Hugs}}}
Oh, Sharon. Thank you for your words, truly. I am beyond sad right now at this very moment, and honestly, I am not sure why I posted this except that it makes it so real putting the words out there.
He was an amazing man. I loved him and he truly loved life and people. I will truly miss him and can't do memories right now, but, I know I will. He was too loved to forget. Thank you for your thoughts and words and most of all your prayers. They are so much appreciated.
Much love to you. And thank you.
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I am so glad you did post, Denise, @dswigle. This is what it is all about here. none of us can help or support unless we know what happened. You will get strength and give courage to others. We are all lucky we have such a place at all. {{{Hugs}}}
You are so right, Sharon! @fitinfun That is true. But, believe it or not, I am not used to putting myself out there with my personal life, so although it felt strange, there was a lifting of sorts to be able to do it and put it out there, no judgment.
And we are very fortunate to have a place called steemit. I am so happy I found a place I can call home.
And thank you. So very, very much. 💓
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I’m so sorry to hear your news. Please accept my condolences! Sending you a hug. ❤️
It is news said I thank nobody ever expects they will get. I never suspected that I would which doesn't say much about the reality in which I live. Thank you so much for your words and I truly appreciate them and you.
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Hugs from me to you. I am so terribly sorry and wish there were words that could make it less painful, but I know that there are not. Take care of you.
How well you know! It's funny because I don't share her very much personal life on here but, for some reason, I was driven to write it down and make it more real in my mind. I'm sure that doesn't make much sense to you but I just really didn't want it to be real. Thank you for all your thoughts, love and prayers. They are much appreciated at this time.
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That makes perfect sense to me.... I think I still have little quirky things I do to try to make it all less real. Do what ever you need to do to take care of yourself right now
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Oh no my dear friend Denise i feel for you and my condolences go out to you and family and all your brothers we all live on this earth and never image that day will come and then it does is why it is important to stay in contact with family and enjoy every moment you can with them and it sounds like you did and had a great bond with your brother and it is so sad that it was time for him to leave the God had other plans for him but it is so beautiful that you can hold on to all those beautiful memories and all them fun times yous had together and no one can take them away from you. God bless your awesome brother RIP and stay strong my friend my prayers and love go out for you.
Oh, it was so hard to NOT tell you. I almost dropped you a note, but, I just couldn't. How often do I write really personal stuff? About as often as you. ;)
So. I really surprised myself writing this, although hindsight, I wasn't sure I did it right, or that I should have. All I know is that I wrote it down to make it real if that makes any sense to you.
The family is everything to me and I absolutely loved my six brothers and two sisters. They are my rocks when things get hairy. They are the smile when I am grumpy and they are the glue that keeps it all together. I love them. I love them all.
When I need a hug, they fly right here to make sure I know I am loved. They will fly here for lunch, then fly home for their own dinner. They even make reservations ahead of time. OMG... Who does these things? When they thought I like photography, they bought lenses ever excuse, or a new camera. I kid you not. They have been the best my whole life.
With so many of us, I never realized they would have time to spoil me so much. But, they do. And I do love them for it. They use my kids as spies, but, usually, they do their own shopping. It is not for the things that I will miss him, but, those loving thoughts that went behind those things.
Right now, I feel like I am teetering on disaster, but, I am just tired today. I am in the process of taking care of his estate. No wife, no kids. and his burial at Arlington Cemetery.
But, his celebration of life was amazing. And thank you, Angelo. @hangin So very, very much. ❤️
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You know in situation like this we are here to help and do our best to comfort you in opening up is the best way to make you feel more at ease with the circumstances we are all here with open arms for you my friend.
You know reading your beautiful words as with bonds with families has made me miss my family so much more you know i have six brothers but only one beautiful sister and we all have a great relationship towards each other i just got of the phone from talking to mum because your words made me miss her even more.
I really feel for your lost and do take it one step at a time don't put yourself under stress you have a beautiful family around you and lots of caring friends that will give you that hug of strength we are here for you and please feel welcome to drop me a line anytime my friend.
God Bless :)
I am so glad that you called your mother! I know that you're close to your family, but this made me realize and even though I am close, I am miles apart and no matter how I think, there is nothing can replace the distance. There are things throughout my life that I missed because I lived so very far away, always. Little things and I am sure you know what I mean. When everybody gets together for a birthday party oh, there are little innuendos about it that you miss. Up until now I have really not thought too much about it. But I can tell there are things that I am just not a part of because I have been so far. Now when I weigh the differences, I know that I have lived a richer Fuller life, but the other part of me knows I've missed part of my family's growing up. I know this is no time 4 regrets and I don't really regret, I'm just hoping I made the right choices in life. Thanks for being here. Love to you.
You are so right about all you said here and it's exactly how i feel everyday it runs through my mind i might have it good here but all those little things that are happening back home can never be replaced no matter what and most of all is i miss growing up with my son from almost the very beginning due to a crazy divorce and then i ended up in Thailand just when we were getting to know each other more but he is very understanding now but again time can never be replaced so we do our best my friend and cherish all the great memories. Stay strong my friend and love to you :)
I know and yes, it is true. None of it can be replaced, but, I can say hindsight is sometimes a painful thing.
I feel for you missing out through divorce. That has always been a huge cheat with so many people. I never understand why people can't just agree to separate without mud dragging tactics.
Oh, yes. Life. :)
Divorce is never easy but it did bring us a lot closer and he handle it well and has turned out a more understand open minded person today thank god for that. I hope your doing ok my friend it's nice to have you chatting on here. I have had such a busy day i do wish there were more hours in the day :)
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Always a pleasure!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Must very very hard at the moment...
The hole may not mend, but memories of the good times will shine ever more brightly...
Thank you so much for your condolences. I appreciate the words and thoughts.
Mending is something I can't even think about right now, but, I am sure that you are right.
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My thoughts are with you and the family at this time Hugs my friend
I have appreciated your kindness throughout this tragedy, JJ @tattoodjay I cannot thank you enough for your thoughts and your friendship.
You have a way about you that brings calm into the storm. Thank you for that.
((Hugs))
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Well I am glad I helped in some way, calm is something I do well, and of course chaos as well :)
(((HUGS)))
Yes!! You are a jack of all emotions! ;)
A tired Jack tonight I have to admit had a blast this last 5 days with the grandkids but now back to normal but exhausted LOL
Take care my friend
Thank you so much, JJ! Take care of that back! I think you need another grandchild! ;)
Cheers and my back is all good
As for another grandchild I can’t keep up with the ones we have lol 😂
Well, good! This morning was hell-o to get up and go... so I think if I have to suffer, you need another grandchild.
:)
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Oh, honey... I am celebrating my oldest brother's birthday today. He took his life two years ago. I do not have that circle of love with my siblings, most of them do not speak to me. I grieve knowing I will never see him alive again, compounded with the grief of knowing that my living siblings did not find his suicide to be any motivation to let me back into their hearts and lives.
I nearly died from the suicidal effects of antidepressants and tried to warn my siblings, who all but one are on them. That is why they cut ties with me. I spoke badly about their favorite drug. My oldest brother made peace with me but did not heed my warnings and he took his life while he was on those "happy pills." I really thought for a moment that maybe my other siblings would at least stop hating me at that point, but no. So it goes.
Much love to you, thanks for being a steemitsister to me, maybe you have some idea how much that really matters to me now.
I am truly sad for your siblings, for they are missing one of the best things in life. Sharing oneself with one that you grew up with, who knows you almost better than you know yourself, who can understand some of the quirks in life that you are going through and just sharing other relatives together has to count for something.
I am so sorry about your older brother, made sadder by the fact that he reconciled and you lost him anyway. But yes, I am saddened by the fact that your sibs didn't use this to motivate a reconciliation among all of you. Consider the fact that they are not themselves anyway, immersed in their own "happy world" and perhaps not really feeling the effects of losing out.
Someday they will. Life is too short to live with regrets. I am sad for you, but, more for them. They have no idea what they are missing by turning their back on you.
Much love to you and thank you. Even though I am surrounded by my family, I needed to write this out and see it in writing. As silly as it sounds, it makes it more real, here. Looking at it. Word for word.
((She sighs)) Hugs and love, my friend. And thank you. 💓
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Oh no, much love to you @dswigle I lost a brother too while he was living in Germany. I remember getting the news and all that comes with it. My husband just showed me a photo of the bridge out of Florida going to Key West and I told him about the drive. How strange and now this.
I don't know if this helps any but my brother has been gone for years. I did a post once about him and my sister that passed away. Anyway I tell you this because I had a dream about him a month or so ago.
I entered a room there were lots of people. As I walked past a table there was my brother. Without words he immediately stood up and embraced me. I held him tight and the love was immense. I felt the back of his shirt and woke up with the comforter in place of his shirt and tears in my eyes.
Our love of each other never dies. My heart is with you.
Oh, I am so sorry. The loss of a sibling is so hard. The expectation is that your parents will leave this earth before their kids.
I thought I would get a sign from him, somehow, somehow... but my thoughts are running in the direction of, it will be in his time, not mine. So I put those thoughts to rest. And I think that is healthier for me right now.
I once was sleeping a was awakened by a draft of sorts. (I swear it sounds creepy, but, it wasn't!) and I looked over and there was standing someone that was very close to me who had died weeks before. He said my name and said it was okay. I got up out of bed and went to the kitchen to make sure that it wasn't a dream and then went back to bed. To this day, I believe it was him. I felt a peace wash over me and I never saw him again.
Our love will never die. I agree. And thank you so much, Rebecca @rebeccabe I appreciate your thoughts and words. Truly, Truly.
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I will be thinking of you.
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Awwww. Thank you, lovely. For everything. ❤️
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Thank you so very much @rebeccabe! ❤️
you are welcome
❤️
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thank you @dswigle
My pleasure, Rebecca! @rebeccabe
Sorry to hear of your loss, my condolences. The neighbor across the street just lost her brother too. It seems they have lost five people recently. Such hardship; I don't know what to say.
Just knowing that you came over here to acknowledge and send your condolences is heartwarming. I don't even know why I posted it as I don't share much personal on here, but, it is a hardship on my heart and writing it down has made it a little bit easier, having to talk about it a little.
I am not sure why, but, it is definitely one of those calls in the night that nobody wants.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond @Lightsplasher. I appreciate it.
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